Love Him Or Leave Him? Signs That He May Not Be That Into You (Anymore)

February 11, 2012  |  
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V-Day is swiftly approaching and to no one’s surprise, many relationships hit the skids and crash and burn. It’s as if this holiday forces couples to take stock of their relationships. Unfortunately for many women, they cling even tighter to boyfriends that they keep putting Band Aids over, just so they don’t feel the shame or embarrassment of a failed relationship–especially on a day as symbolic as Valentine’s Day.

But sometimes in the cloud of love, we often get disoriented–up is down, down is up. We often fail to see (or acknowledge) when a man is no longer plugged in to a relationship. Here’s a few a signs that he just may not be that into you anymore…

1. He talks about the future without you in it.

Does your man talk about a new place he wants to live? A vacation he wants to take, or a new career or project he wants to pursue? If he speaks about his dreams as if you’re the Amazing Invisible Girlfriend, chances are your future and his future are about as viable as Newt Gingritch becoming the next president of the United States.

2. He passed on introducing you to his family during the holiday season.

This one doesn’t count if you just met him in October. But if the SECOND October has passed and you have not yet met his parental units (and they don’t live in Outer Siberia or something), then this guy is not serious about a future with you. Don’t nag him about it, don’t whine or cry. Just take a mental note, file it away, and ease this dude into the Friend Zone as soon as possible.

3. He suddenly has an all-consuming preoccupation with work or some hobby that does not include you.

You call him on Saturday morning and he’s not at home. He calls you way late in the afternoon–he’s been out playing b-ball with his homies. But, you seem to recall that he can’t even dribble. Somebody call Chicken of the Sea, because I smell something fishy.

4. You initiate every date.

If you are doing all the planning, primping and pleading and he’s just along for the ride, you might want to reconsider who and why you’re spending all your energy and youthful beauty on. Is he really worth it?

5. He’s no longer “hungry.”

And by hunger, I don’t mean for food. Men like to pursue, they want their desire not quite quenched–despite what they may tell you. If his passion for you has cooled inexplicably it might be time to regroup.

6. He’s become hardened to your feelings.

Remember when you could bear your feelings, cry a little, and your man was caring, responsive and comforting? If your tears and plaintive sighs is less important than, well, everything, the ship has sunk and it’s time to throw out the lifeboat.

Christelyn D. Karazin is the co-author of “Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate Mixing Race, Culture and Creed” (to be released May 2012), and runs a blog,, dedicated to women of color who are interested and or involved in interracial and intercultural relationships. She is also the founder and organizer of “No Wedding, No Womb,” an initiative to find solutions to the 72 percent out-of-wedlock rate in the black community.

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