Tracy Morgan and Why It’s Hard To Judge Family Relations
I’ve seen lots of finger waggings and tongue lashings being directed at Morgan. It’s his family, his own mother, how could he stand aside while his mother is possibly thrown out into the street? It’s a legitimate question; however, there are no easy answers. Some people have been fortunate enough to be born to parents, who were nurturing, compassionate and present in their lives. Growing up, I knew of folks whose parents were drug addicts, abusers and valued their own personal freedom, and in some instances boyfriends, over their own children. While we are taught to always honor thy mother and thy father, the reality is that some folks with children don’t always honor their positions as parents. Likewise, those wounds from a dysfunctional household do not just heal thyself just because you are an adult now, possibly with a family of your own, and can sort of, kind of, understand some of the pressures that they might have felt as parents.
Normally I don’t talk about my relationship with my mother in any context, outside of close family and friends. What I have found is that lots of folks have a hard time understanding. I have found from experience that any attempts to share my true reasons for why you’re not doing anything for Mothers Day or going out of town to see her for the Holidays are usually met with flippant dismissals like, “well my mother and I fight too, that’s nothing” or “you should really just speak to your mother,” or my favorite guilt trip, “my mother is not around and I really wish I could speak to her again.” Well believe it or not, I do too. If not for the sake of not mending fences before either one of us leaves this earth but to reveal this burden that I carry with me through every relationship I have in life.
The last time I had regular communication with my mother; things were beginning to look up. We had a few conversations, which were cordial and non-defensive and we even laughed. She told me then that she would come to Philly and we would have a conversation because “we really needed to talk.” The day of her supposed visit, she didn’t show up. She didn’t call or answer my phone calls for two days. When I finally caught up with her and asked her what happened, she got defensive and said, “Well I just didn’t want to come.” And that was that. One day I hope we’ll have that talk but in the meantime, for my own sanity, I just have to come to terms with the cards which I have been dealt.
Charing Ball is the author of the blog People, Places & Things.