Ask A Very Smart Brotha Live: A*sholes & Disappearing Acts

February 1, 2012  |  
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We did it again!b  Damon Young (aka The Champ) of Very Smart Brothas hosted his second live chat on our Facebook page.  For an hour, The Champ answered a gang of questions about love and relationships from our Facebook friends. You know it was a lively discussion. Check out some of the questions and answers below.

Iris: I have a question! I’ve been separated from my kids’ father for 6 years. He was very controlling & abusive til I finally left his a*s after 10 years. Anyway he bad mouths me to my kids & everyone else around him constantly. He still absolutely HATES me! My question is why would any man stay angry for so damn long & not just get over it & why would his new wife allow him to keep talking about me (his ex) so much???

Damon Young: He’s doing it because he’s an a**hole. And, if life has taught me anything, it’s that it is a waste of time to try and understand why a**holes are a**holes.

Shonreh: I was involved with a guy long distance ( for a year) and things were going well and then he suddenly disappears for maybe three weeks with no contact, no answering texts emails etc. Is it justifiable to move on even though he has mysteriously started texting and emailing again? ( with no response from me of course). Confused.

D.Y: Hmm. I think you should probably ask him what happened. (Was he shipwrecked? In jail? Hiding under one of Rick Ross’ breasts?) If his answer doesn’t pass the sniff test, move on. (long-distance relationships are the devil, anyway)


Natalie: Is close too close when it comes to friends of the opposite sex? My concern is that my significant other’s best friend (female) can ,over time, develop more emotional feelings for each him. I’m just concerned because I do not have any close male friends that I share absolutely everything with. Please advise.

D.Y. Hmm. I don’t think that him having friends of the opposite sex is a problem by itself, but he shouldn’t be sharing anything with her either. As far as the emotional attachment thing, there’s nothing you can do to prevent that from happening. Either he’s (hopefully) not going to go there, or he will go there. Anyway, while I wouldn’t give him any “me or her” ultimatums, I would bring up the fact that you’re concerned about how close they are.

Suzie: Hi Damon, I have been in an on and off relationship with a man for 5 yrs. This summer, he proposed that we get married right away( He’s been proposing lightly a couple of time before.) I said I’m up for marriage but there are things to work on to make this relationship and marriage work,we even discussed having kids in 3 to 5 yrs and I already have a child from a previous relationship. 1 month later, I find out I was pregnant and his first reaction was great and a few hours later he was scared. Now I’m 6 months pregnant and he only shows up for appointments and for baby expenses. He will be there for the child but not for me anymore and he doesn’t know if he will ever come back to the way we were. At this point, I’m hurt and want to cut him off. I don’t think it would be appropriate seeing me in labor,giving my child his last name if he’s not there now to support me morally or physically, texting me every day to wish me good day and for material things. Am I wrong for wanting to cast him out?

D.Y.: Yikes. It’s possible that he may come around and is just having a really bad case of cold feet. But, if I were you, I’d proceed on without him. Sorry to hear all of that

Cheryl: Damon..Why would a man who is your lover, but not interested in a serious relationship be interested in how you view him as a sex toy or not? Isn’t that what he wants?

D.Y. Sounds like he’s been listening to too much Drake.

Shari: Why is it when you tell a guy that you can’t deal with him because he’s in a relationship, he seems to continue to pursue you?

D.Y.: I guess a guy who does that figures he has nothing to lose. From his mindset, he has a 50/50 chance of getting some. (You’re either going to continue to say no, or say yes)

Rhonda: Hi Damon! My question is more of a concern than a question. At 25 (& fabulous) I’m looking for someone to settle down with…or at least be monogamous with for more than 3 months. Lately, I’ve been getting so much attention from men 39+up & I’m so confused! Why don’t guys my age approach me? Why are these grandaddies (I mean my Mom is 40ish, so that’s weird) preying on me? How do I attract younger men? And should I just give one of these older guys a chance?

D.Y. Perhaps you bathe in epsom salt, and the older guys are attracted to your scent? I really have no idea why men twice your age continue to approach you. Do you frequent places/events that usually skew older? Maybe that’s why.

Rhonda: I’d say it’s about 50/50 between hangout spots (bars, lounges, clubs) & sports bars. I noticed this during football season, so maybe that’s the type of audience surrounding me? Glad you put this in my mind, otherwise I would’ve feared that I do indeed smell like epsom salt LMAO! Also I heard that I ‘look’ like a business-woman even when I go out. Working on this asap….Thanx for the tips.

D.Y.: Yea. Some women do give off an “older, more conservative” vibe. You might be one of them. There’s nothing wrong with that, but the vibe you give off does have an effect on the types of guys who will approach.


Pittsburgh native Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) is the co-founder of the ridiculously popular Their first book “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide To Dating, Mating and Fighting Crime” is available at

Do you want to speak to Damon in real time? Join us on our Facebook page, next Wednesday from 1 p.m. to 2 p.m.


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