7 Signs You Could Be Having An Emotional Affair

February 3, 2012  |  
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Do you have a lot of male friends? That’s fine! It’s healthy to have friends of the opposite sex. They can give you insight into the mind of man, and they can be adorably protective in a big brother way. But, how do you know when you’ve crossed the line from just caring about each other as friends, friends with their own partners at that, and instead, find yourself having an emotional affair?


You hate his girlfriends

The second your male friend tells you about a date with a new girl, you analyze the date for bad signs. If he brings a girl around you, you don’t have the natural desire to get to know her. You find everything that any of his girlfriends do to be annoying. But if you really think about it, there was probably something likeable about all of them. You just happen to like him more than you like his prospects.


You see him everywhere

You don’t literally see him, but if you’re out shopping, you remember things he has said he needed. You see a silver picture frame and your thought is, “Oh, __  said he needed one of these.” At Starbucks you peruse the community board and see a flyer for Salsa classes. You pocket the flyer saying, “My friend has been looking for a good Salsa class.” Think about it: when you’re dating someone, you see them in everything—you think of sweet and helpful things you can do for them constantly. It’s what you do for a partner, but not for a friend.


You’re sharing intimate things

You tell your male friend about drama in your family, about identity crises’ you are going through, about your insecurities and dreams. That kind of talk belongs in two places: with your girlfriends and on the pillow, next to your boyfriend. Those are the types of topics that really bond two people. I’m not saying you should withhold these types of conversations from your male friends entirely, but it’s a problem if you’re sharing these thoughts with them and not with your boyfriend.

You complain to him about your boyfriend

Every couple has arguments from time to time, but the first person you want to cry to about them should not be a male friend. Of course, sometimes you talk to just about all of your friends about your relationship troubles. But, if you find yourself after every fight with your boyfriend wanting to call just that one male friend, then you’re marking him as special and probably sending him mixed signals.

Your friend is rude to your boyfriend

And you don’t do a thing about it. Your friend makes passive aggressive, teasing comments to your boyfriend. He leaves your boyfriend out of conversations, out of games, and in general, makes no effort to make your boyfriend comfortable. But when your boyfriend brings this up to you, you defend your friend and downplay it all. You care about that friend’s feelings and impressions of you too much if you’re not willing to have a talk with him about his behavior towards your boyfriend.

You’re making excuses

When you tell your boyfriend that you’re going to hang out with your male friend, you find yourself needing to justify it. “He just went through a breakup, he needs company,” “He just moved into his new place, he’s lonely,” “We’re celebrating his new promotion, that’s all.” But, do you go into a nervous string of excuses when you’re just going to see a female friend? Probably not.

You always want to impress him

If you have a party, you’re wondering constantly if your particular male friend is having a good time. When everyone tries the dish you made, the first person’s facial expression you look at is that friend’s. If he is sitting alone doing nothing, you ask him if he needs something persistently. He is on your radar big time, all the time. You want to impress him.

Ever found yourself having feelings for a friend while already in a relationship?

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