Want Kids? See What Mothers Wish They Knew Before Starting A Family…
I love being a mom–it’s absolutely one of the best things in my life. I have four, with age ranges from 14 and 2 years-old. My kids are hilarious, and so happy and optimistic about life and that makes me look at my own life anew. However there is a flipside: They are a lot of work. It’s impossible to be lazy if you’re going to do this whole parent thing well enough so that your kids won’t need a psychiatrist in adulthood. Gosh. I wish someone would have told me a few things about having kids before I started popping them out, such as…
“Forget about sleeping in on the weekend.”
As a stay-at-home mom and a work-at-home mom, every day is Monday for me. That notwithstanding, kids are allergic to sleeping late. Their stomachs wake them up, and then they demand you feed them immediately. What’s worse, in fact, if your kid does sleep in, it probably means they’re sick, so you’ll have to dump all your plans and play nursemaid while everyone else goes to the farmer’s market.
“Aside from their sexiness, breasts actually have a function.”
An interesting thing happens about three days after you give birth. The Lactation Fairy dumps about a gallon of breast milk into those ducts of yours. You’ll be so full you’ll be looking for that newborn baby to take it to the head. I still vividly remember when my milk came in with my first child. I woke up feeling like a two-pound gorilla punched me in both boobs. I was in so much pain and my daughter wasn’t latching on properly and ended up with more milk on her face than in her mouth.
“You’ll have to sneak to have sex.”
Yep. Just like when you were a teenager, you’ll have to sneak it in between the kids jumping on the bed and watching Wow Wow Wubbsy. If they like to walk in, you and your partner will have to learn the quick-draw-ninja-blanket move.
“You will never be able to just ‘run’ to the store.”
In those tender toddler years, you’ll have to pack to go everywhere. Just need to run and get some milk? Fuhggitaboutit. That one time you think you can go without packing a diaper will be the one time your baby will drop a load in the dairy section. Think Murphy’s Law.
“You will have a new found appreciation for minivans.”
You will leap with glee at the latest model, chock full of mobile entertainment–dvd player, stereo surround sound, bottle warmers, chairs that turn into baby beds, etc. Me? I’m still holding out for Helga, the Swedish mobile super nanny.
“You will learn the entire Nick Jr. program line up.”
…And Rated R movies are out of the question when the little kiddies are around. Forget CNN and Judge Judy, too.
Christelyn D. Karazin is the co-author of “Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate Mixing Race, Culture and Creed” (to be released May 2012), and runs a blog, www.beyondblackwhite.com, dedicated to women of color who are interested and or involved in interracial and intercultural relationships. She is also the founder and organizer of “No Wedding, No Womb,” an initiative to find solutions to the 72 percent out-of-wedlock rate in the black community.