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Dear Ashley,

How do you deal with partners with broken peters?  I’m tired of being Ms. Nice Lady because my needs are not being met. I don’t want to do the whole courtship thing anymore because I cannot take another penis let down. I’m feeling like–if he has a great oral game watch out, or if he uses the “it’s all about your pleasure” line, I’m running for the hills because he may not be able to work with his D. I’m not trying to penis shame and I may sound shallow, but I think it is something that should be discussed prior to getting physically involved. Let me tell you about three experiences that have taken the cake.  

Guy #1: Achieved penetration but not able to go the distance. A few pumps and he was done!

Guy #2: No penetration at all. I am being 💯 when I say he had a micro penis. I’m not joking, it was seriously micro.  I tried to be polite but I gave up. It was seriously not sexy trying to stimulate his member with my index finger and thumb. 

Guy #3: Has medical issues, but why should I have to compromise when I’m in my prime? He wanted 100% fidelity but I didn’t even entertain that because I knew I would definitely cheat. I would have had more respect, if they were all  open about their performance, ability and if they would even work with a urologist to try to improve things. It’s like their egos are so big they don’t want to use any aids to help them try to please a woman. I have a great career, a kid heading off to college and a stable living environment. So, I’m not trying to be a Susie homemaker or the long-suffering spouse. This experience has shown me solo polyamory is the way I intend to go. I know I sound mean and insensitive but if my hair is messed up I’ll go or at least try to fix it. So, if your dick is messed up, well …  


Ms. Unintentionally Celibate

Dear Unintentionally Celibate,

I am dying of laughter. Baby, listen. This is what I have found to be true when it comes to men in regards to sex, The ones who always talk about how good they are at eating pussy usually have smaller penises. So yes, that is a tell tell sign for sure. My advice would be to have sex early. Fuck before feelings! This way you’ll know what you’re signing up for and can make a decision on whether or not you want to stay around. Truth is as we age—regardless of gender—our sex lives change, too. Both men and women will experience performance issues as they get older. The question you have to ask yourself is which issues are you willing to compromise on–if any. If you need a nice strong penis that will last for rounds, then maybe try fucking younger men. Young men tend to have the stamina of a horse and most get a kick out of having sex with an older woman. If you are not looking for a relationship but frequent sex, try hookup sites like Tinder or Fetlife. There are plenty of men on both looking to fuck with no strings attached. 

In a perfect world, people should discuss their performance issues beforehand, but we can agree that we just don’t live in a perfect world. –And because men attach so much of their ego and masculinity to their dicks, telling you beforehand that it doesn’t work probably won’t ever happen. So, you might be onto something with polyamory. I’m here for dating multiple men. Set up a rotation of multiple men that will meet your needs; Mr. Fix it, romantic/date man, a man who likes to have long meaningful conversations and a maintenance man for laying pipe. Polyamory allows for all of your needs to be met without it coming from one individual. So, do what works for you, Sis.

Dear Ashley is a weekly sex column where Sexpert Ashley Cobb answers your intimate questions. Nothing is off-limits! Have a sex question, Ashley, “Your Favorite Friend In Filth,” has an answer. Email Ashley at

Ashley Cobb is the millennial microphone that brings the conversation of Black women’s pleasure to the forefront. Creator of digital platform Gossip And Gasms, her work and words have been featured in Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health, Shape Magazine, Business Insider, and Huffington Post. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter via @sexwithashley



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