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Dear Ashley, 

I purchased the Magic Wand and don’t quite know how to use it.  Do you just rub the outside of the labia or do you open your lips and directly stimulate the clit?

I have a clitoral stimulator that’s small and has different vibrations and it gets me off easily.  Just not sure how to use the Magic Wand.  Any advice would be appreciated.


Magic Wand Newbie


Dear Magic Wand Newbie,

The Magic Wand is hands down my favorite sex toy of all time, even though technically it isn’t marketed as a sex toy. The Magic Wand has been around for 60 years and was originally marketed as a massager for sore muscles and body aches. But it gained popularity from the show, Sex and the City, for massaging more than muscles and body aches.  —And baby, let me tell you, that Wand don’t miss. If an orgasm is what you’re looking for, I guarantee the Wand will deliver.

Using a Wand is pretty straightforward. It’s a relatively simple toy that doesn’t come with a lot of bells or whistles. Just turn it on, select the desired vibration setting and enjoy. Before you do that, make sure to apply a few squirts of water-based lubricant on the magic wand massager’s head to ensure a smoother glide. Once you’re ready to go all-in, gently press the magic wand against your clitoris. I suggest starting with the lowest setting then increasing in intensity as needed. You can also try experimenting with the different vibration patterns for added sensations. To find your spot, move the wand all over your vulva. Go up and down, left to right and around in circles.

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Another thing that makes the Magic Wand worth its weight in gold is the fact that it’s a multi use toy. The Wand is designed to be a neck and muscle massager, because of this it’s actually pretty damn good at massaging. Some of my favorite places to use my wand are on my lesser-known erogenous zones, like the nape of the neck, the inner thighs, and behind the knees. It also works wonders on the nipples too. When a woman’s nipples are stimulated, the same region of the brain is activated as when her clitoris is. Using a wand to tease your nipples can heighten your sexual arousal. The Wand can also be used to tease and please your partner. If your partner is male it can be used to stimulate the shaft, the scrotum or the underside of the penis. It can also be used on the perineum if your man allows you to go down that far.

Dear Ashley is a weekly sex column where Sexpert Ashley Cobb answers your intimate questions. Nothing is off-limits! Have a sex question, Ashley, “Your Favorite Friend In Filth,” has an answer. Email Ashley at

Ashley Cobb is the millennial microphone that brings the conversation of Black women’s pleasure to the forefront. Creator of digital platform Gossip And Gasms, her work and words have been featured in Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health, Shape Magazine, Business Insider, and Huffington Post. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter via @sexwithashley

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