It’s 2012, and some of us began the New Year newly single. While breaking up over the holidays can be devastating, it’s not the end of the world. Breakups hurt, and you should be allowed to grieve, but there are some mistakes that people make when dealing with a broken heart. If you just went through a painful breakup, here are some things NOT to do in the aftermath to help you find your way back to peace of mind after the end of a relationship.
DO NOT: Remain Friends
If you still care about your ex, there is NO WAY you can remain friends at this time. The wounds are still fresh, and there is more of a chance of a “slip up” or a “back slide” into a sticky situation. Remaining friends may give you a false sense of hope that you two will get back together, especially if you continue to occasionally sleep together. And while that may be a possibility down the line, you need a break from each other to figure things out and heal. Take this time to get back in touch with your single self, not prolong any pain you feel from the breakup. While friendship may be possible later, sticking around as his “friend” will only leave the door open for confusion and being used by someone who is only waiting for someone else to come along in the meantime.
DO NOT: Remain Friends….on Facebook or Twitter
Nothing will make you crazier than being able to see what your ex is up to every second of the day. Why torture yourself? Many heartbroken men and women have become social media stalkers after a breakup, wondering if their ex has moved on, met someone else or changed their relationship status. If you have to, delete him as a friend, “unfollow” him on Twitter and block him from viewing your page as well. Changing your privacy settings saves you a lot of grief, and you won’t be losing sleep monitoring your time line to see what friends he’s added or what comments or “likes” he posts on a cute girl’s photo.
DO NOT: Drink or Smoke Your Pain Away
If you have a habit of self medicating, talk to friends, family or a therapist if you need help working through a bad breakup. While some view breakups as embarrassing or shameful, there is absolutely nothing healthy about dealing with pain alone. You should never feel the need to use drugs or alcohol to take the pain away, and if you do, call a crisis hot-line and get help. Hurting yourself only makes things worse.
DO NOT: Use Sex to Get Over Him
Some say the best way to get over your old man is to find a new one – but that may not necessarily be the best course of action when trying to get over a breakup. Sex with a new guy right away may feel good at that moment, but you may feel dirty or ashamed afterward…only prolonging the pain. Sex is simply a band-aid used to cover a deep wound, and can have you catching feelings for a new guy before you’re ready to deal with it emotionally. Keep your mind focused on your healing and keep your legs closed.
DO NOT: Let Yourself Go
While it seems easy to lie in bed, eat pints of ice cream and not bathe or comb your hair, don’t let yourself become a hot mess after a relationship has ended. I know you feel sad and are in mourning, but not taking care of yourself won’t make you feel better, it’ll make you feel worse. Instead, get outside and hit the gym. Release all the pain and anger you feel on a punching bag, or go for a liberating run. Endorphins are a natural pain killer and will uplift your spirits more than you think. If working out doesn’t do it for you, get a new haircut, or a facial. Treat yourself to a spa day. Whatever you do, do something good for YOU.
DO NOT: Shut People Out
After our heart has been broken, the natural reaction for some folks is to curl up in the fetal position, play Sade, turn out the lights and close your self off to the world. Don’t do it. Lean on friends and family to help you get over him. I’ve cried my eyes out for weeks with my besties, plotted his death and laughed while throwing darts at his pictures and ripping up all his love letters. Okay, so you may not need to have a “Waiting to Exhale” party, but you get my drift. Get out to the movies with friends, allow them to take you out for drinks, and be sociable. I know you may not feel like it, but being around positive people can help cut the grieving process in half. If you can’t be your own best friend right now, don’t be afraid to lean on your girls and ask for help. You’ll realize one day sooner than you know it…you’re over him.
