Ask a Very Smart Brother: Baby Daddy Drama and Supporting Your Man
I need some advice from a guy’s point of view, I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 9 years. We have 3 children together, my ex wants me to let our 2 sons live with him which in itself is no problem and I am happy that he still wants to be apart of their lives, my issue is he wants to also move this girl in that he met on the internet and they have only known each other for a short time. I told him that if he wants to live with her that is fine but our sons will stay with me because I don’t know her and I don’t trust her. I had a bad experience with my step-father so I am very protective about who I let around my children. He stated that I should trust him enough to know that he would never put our kids in harm’s way but I feel that he is moving to fast and I don’t want the kids in the middle of a whirlwind romance. Am I being unreasonable and overprotective?
Dear Concerned Babymama,
You know, I have to admit that after reading your first sentence (“…recently broke up with my boyfriend of 9 years”), I anticipated your question (“How long is too long to wait to get married?”) and even started thinking of a few possible answers. (“You’ve probably waited too long if Drake was still on Degrassi when you met.”)
Your question dealt with a completely different topic though, one that blended and/or “non-traditional” families are forced to answer daily: How long should a person wait before introducing their new beau to their children. In your case, I’m going to ignore some of the peripheral questions your question brought to mind — i.e.: “When you say he met her on the internet, did they meet on a dating site, a gaming message board, or through some bootlegged Craigslist personal ad?” — and just come out with the answer: No, you’re not being unreasonable and overprotective.
While it’s true that there will eventually be a time when your ex will have to introduce his new girlfriend/wife to your children, he hasn’t known this particular woman long enough to make her a part of your children’s life. If he wants to live with this chick on his own, fine, but he probably won’t be winning any “Father of The Year” awards for considering moving his young boys into a potentially unstable and volatile situation.
It’s not that you don’t trust him, but he hasn’t known this woman long enough to see if she wasn’t a serial killer or Laker fan. While strange men usually get the Sandusky side-eye, strange women need to get vetted too.
Damon Young (aka The Champ)