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While on the dating scene I had one rule. I always said I would never date a man with children because I didn’t want to deal with the baggage. Never say never, right?
Back in 2016, I wrote:
Even though I would be his special lady, I will never be his top priority. My partner’s child will always come first, and when they call he has to tend to them. Trips, quality time, and even conversations can and will be limited, cut short or cancelled if the child needs him. Though he will share responsibilities with the mother, him being a father will take time away from me. I see this as a deal breaker.
There’s nothing wrong with dating a man with children, it’s just not for me. I deal with children on a daily basis so when I clock out I want my man to myself all the time. I do not want any aspect of our relationship interfered with or affected because of his child. Heck, I don’t even want my own.
Fast forward to now and I have been in a relationship with a man with not one, but three children. When I first met him, we had no intentions of being together and had no idea where we were headed. Four months later we decided to give love a try. I couldn’t believe I was going against my number one rule. I wanted to be in love, but not with someone with children. It’s been over a year, and being with a father isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Here’s how it’s been going since I broke my promise to myself.
I not only love my boyfriend, but I truly adore his children. They are so beautiful, loving, sweet, innocent and wonderful. I never wanted kids either, but being around them makes me want to break that rule too. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for them. Now being a stepmother in the future isn’t cringeworthy. I look at it now as a delightful idea. I used to feel like the children would interfere with the relationship and be a nuisance, but now I look forward to quality time with them just as much as their father.
When you date a man with children, it is ideal to have respectful interactions with their children’s mother but it doesn’t always go that way. The children’s mother can have an issue with you and not even know you. It doesn’t matter if you love her children. What matters is the jealousy, whether they are content with co-parenting and if she and your partner get along. The dynamics of their relationship matter too. If they are dysfunctional and lack boundaries or respect for each other, it’s going to affect the relationship in a detrimental way because the disrespect will spill over to you.
Another takeaway is that I’ve learned that I do not mind having a family. During my adult years I have not yearned to have children. I have had children as clients because I am a therapist and I have mentored teenagers through my sorority’s youth auxiliary group. I felt that there was no void in my life that needed to be filled with children. Now, I am open to having a family. Spending time, helping with homework, answering questions, having heart to heart talks and doing things that must be done for the little ones isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. It’s actually fulfilling.
