Ask The Luv Coach: I Lied On My Online Profile and Now My Boo Wants To Cut Things Off

December 20, 2011  |  

Dear Alice,

Unfortunately you pulled the cardinal sin of dating. You lied on your application, and now you can’t be trusted. Relationships are built on trust, so when you broke that trust, you destroyed the foundation that he believed you two had together. This is an extremely painful experience for him, and even though you two are trying to be friends, the sting of the burn is still there. It’s obvious he is hurt, feels betrayed, and is scared to let you in which is why he has been indifferent. This is a delicate situation and you need to handle it carefully.

First off, you will need to address the past if you want to grow from it and move forward. He has let you back into his life via friendship, and you need to respect that. That means, taking it slowly and allowing him to heal from this hurt. You have the opportunity to rebuild, but first you need to focus on yourself. This isn’t about just trying to understand what he feels. The issues you need to address are:

· Why did you feel it necessary to lie in order to get someone’s attention?
· What is it about yourself that you don’t like?
· What are you afraid or ashamed to share with others, or think they may not accept about you?

You can’t expect someone to accept you if you haven’t accepted yourself. If you really are serious about asking for his forgiveness you will need to do some serious work on yourself. This isn’t a case of “I’m sorry. I’ll never do it again.” You will need to explore why you did it, and then share with him what you have learned about yourself.

Continue to build your friendship with him, and allow yourself to be vulnerable and open. Give him time to heal and let him see all sides of yourself; the good and bad. Trust doesn’t build itself and forgiveness doesn’t come without real work being done. You need to take the initiative to figure out who you are, and how you can accept and love yourself, so that he can see the real you and do the same.

Rebecca Brody, The Luv Coach

Previous Luv Coach: Ask The Luv Coach: My Husband’s Obesity Is Ruining Our Love Life 

Send questions to The Luv Coach on Madame Noire to editors@madamenoire.com

Rebecca Brody is a certified life empowerment coach with an expertise in love and relationships.  She currently has a private practice in New York city and works with clients across the USA.  For more musing from The Luv Coach go to www.TheLuvCoach.com.

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