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Sustaining a long-term relationship requires an immense amount of effort. As the saying goes, nothing worth having will be easy. However, when everyone around you is confirming just how challenging relationships are, how exactly do you know when you’re fighting a little too hard to keep your romance afloat? One sure sign that you’re doing a little too much is when you notice that your partner is doing the least.

“A one-sided relationship has dramatic consequences for our emotional and even physical health. Once you’re in one, it’s hard to feel emotionally safe. You’re perpetually working to make the relationship something that it may never be,” explained Jill P. Weber Ph.D., in an essay for Psychology Today. “This conflict creates stress, and stress hormones cause physical side effects including anxiety, difficulty sleeping, hypervigilance, irritability, and generally feeling internally keyed up. One-sided relationships take an enormous toll, and yet often continue far longer than they should.”

But how exactly can you tell when you’re in a one-sided relationship without falling into the trap of keeping score? Here are a few tell-tale signs that you’re doing all of the work in a relationship.

You’re always the first to apologize

When it comes to any relationship, it’s important to have enough humility to acknowledge your wrongs and take accountability for your mistakes. While apologizing may come easier to some than others, when one party is always the first or the only one to ever offer apologies, it’s indicative of an imbalance when it comes to emotional labor within the relationship.

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