Don’t Dumb It Down to Snag a Guy

December 16, 2011  |  

I think after a while so many of us start to think, “I’m just going to be happy being by myself,” or “I had my one true love; that’s it for me.” And for those who are married to “the job,” let’s really think about that. Is the job going to come and visit you in the hospital when you’re 80? Ah, no!!!

And, you know, if you really are happy, then that’s cool. I do believe that it’s possible. But if you’re holding back out of safety, I challenge you to break free and really go for it.

LETTING GO: One of the final steps in my own journey was letting go. My girlfriend, Kris, was at the end of a harrowing divorce and she came up from Minnesota to join me at the lake for a chick’s weekend. We drank wine, made fabulous dinners and went out dancing every night. Our mantra was to have a great time with no attachments, to let go of old patterns.

So even though we were surrounded all weekend on the dance floor by a basketball team (a.k.a. The Tall Boys), we’d leave the bar by ourselves laughing all the way home. We never once thought, “I wonder if that guy likes me?” We stuck to the mantra despite an abundance of opportunity.

At the end of the weekend, we went down to the beach with a piece of paper, pen and barbeque lighter in hand. At sunset, we sat and wrote out what we wanted to let go of in our lives. A couple of the things on my list were “the comfort of being single” and “playing small in my life.” When our lists were done, we held a little ceremony, dug a hole in the sand, and burnt them.

GAME CHANGER: Once I gave myself permission to be the best version of me (intelligence and all) and to truly be open to love, I was liberated.

Two weeks later, I met my husband, John.

Did I marry a millionaire?

No, I didn’t. But I’ll tell you what, I feel like a million bucks every morning when I wake up and step into a life where I can be myself. And when my husband looks at me with love and respect, well, that’s just sweet, sweet icing on the cake.

Jane Atkinson is the author of The Frog Whisperer: A 3-Step Approach to Finding Lasting Love. For more information go to:


More on Madame Noire!


Trending on MadameNoire

Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN