Romantic Facebook Statuses That Annoy Your Friends

December 13, 2011  |  
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We’re happy for you. Really we are. We don’t mind when you kiss each other at the dinner table across from us. We do enjoy hearing your stories of cute things he did for you. But, there is a difference between sharing stories in confidence, and in person, with a friend or two, and publishing it for your 5th grade teacher, that guy you met once in Cancun last year, and every one else on Facebook to see. They just don’t need to see things like this:


Look at what my baby got me:

Don’t post pictures of your wrist and the diamond bracelet he got you. Don’t post pictures of the car he got you with the giant ribbon on it. Maybe post pictures of awesome concert tickets he got you, but don’t push it. We don’t all need to know how much money your boyfriend has. And, don’t think that just because we aren’t posting those pics, doesn’t mean we aren’t getting those things. We are just being tactful…

Look at what my baby did for me:

Rose petals all over the bed spelling the words “I love you.” A little note on your pillow that says “I had to go to work and pretend to be thinking about something other than you for 8 hours.” This seems more of a “aren’t I special” message than a “isn’t my man thoughtful” one.

Make out pictures:

NO! We don’t want to see that. We don’t need to see your tongue circumventing his forehead to understand that you have a loving relationship. A few cute pics of you pecking is one thing, but some people post entire albums of make out sessions that just make their friends uncomfortable.

Mac effect photos of you cuddling:

I don’t care how artsy you make them look, with vintage tints and the corners swirling—a cuddling picture is a cuddling picture, and there is no reason for us to see that. It’s almost as intimate as Adult Videos photos.

“I love fill in the blank so much. I would do anything for him. He is my life source. He is my soul mate…”

Tell him that! Not us. All you are doing by posting this is either making your single friend jealous or—honestly—making everyone question the validity of your love. Are you actually just posting this to make up for the fact that your relationship is on the rocks right now?

Passive aggressive comments about your fight

“Some people just think it’s so funny to treat women like their own personal little slave whenever their dumb*ss friends are around.” Some people? Or do you mean, your boyfriend? It’s immature of you to broadcast your arguments like this, it is disrespectful to your partner and, it’s boring for the rest of us.

Hot photo shoots:

I don’t know if anyone has done one of these since the 80’s but, if you have, please don’t post it. If you hired a professional photographer, makeup artist and stylist to make you and your man look smoking hot, positioning you amongst rumpled white sheets and deep red pillows in just the perfect way and essentially staging an amateur Adult Videos shoot, do your pride and the rest of us a favor and don’t post it.

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