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toxic female friendships

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A best friend should offer love and support. That’s something most of us can agree on. But what exactly constitutes love and support? Now that is something about which we can all have vastly different opinions. One person’s idea of love can be another person’s idea of control. One person’s idea of support can be another person’s idea of being a martyr. We see it all of the time in romantic relationships. We see our friends get involved with men who are trying to “help them” in a way we see as changing them. Or, we even see our friends trying to “improve” a boyfriend, in a way that really just seems like bossing him around. We’re all pretty familiar with the concept that love and support can look very different, depending on who you’re asking. But did you know that can be true of best friend relationships, too? The BFF relationship is an interesting one, especially in adults, when you’re reaching that age when you might replace the best friend with a boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse. Some do. Some don’t. Some are still working on it. You don’t want to replace a friend at all, but what I mean is that, a best friend can be that sort of life partner when we don’t have a romantic life partner, and that’s a very complicated, very layered relationship. Sometimes it can verge on dysfunctional. So, is your relationship with your best friend unhealthy?


Your work issues are never your fault

If you get fired, get demoted, don’t get the job, get in trouble at work – whatever it is – your friend never, ever points out any reason it may be your fault. She always tells you the person in power is stupid, sexist, mean, rude – whatever. But she never, in any way, helps you see how perhaps you could do things differently next time. She always tells you you’ve been wronged and you’re the victim. You do the same for her.

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