I’ve seen a few of my girlfriends do this over the years: they settled for a very stable but totally passion-less relationship, as a response to being burned in the past. They did the whole tumultuous-but-exciting thing one too many times. They became tired and fragile. I hear some of them say things like, “Well, this is a more mature relationship” or “It was time to grow up.” Damn. What a, um, thrilling way to discuss your romantic relationship. Sounds like they’re purchasing an insurance policy. I do agree that it’s important to have mature, stable relationships, but they don’t need to be void of passion and fun. Some of my friends talk about their relationship in a way that sounds like, “Well, it was time for me to give up my freedom, so I turned in my belongings and am happily going to prison now. The warden is very nice here.” Look, I get it, hanging in there until you find someone who both makes you feel safe and excited isn’t easy. It isn’t for the meek of heart. But being hurt a few times is no reason to give up a lifetime of happiness, all in the name of feeling “safe.” You can have both. You can be with someone who makes your heart race but also puts you at ease. Not everyone is willing to wait to find that, though. Here are signs you settled because you were hurt in the past.
Your partner has little to no social life
Your partner has no life outside of you. He doesn’t have many other friends. He says he does, but they’re more like ornaments: he only brings them out for special occasions. He doesn’t pursue and nurture a fun, active, vibrant social life outside of the relationship. In other words, you can always count on him to be free when you want companionship.