I’ve had two meltdowns during quarantine. The first was when I started to understand that life as I knew it–the coffee shop I love to work at with the sweet kid behind the counter who lets me try a pastry for free, the dog park I love to go to where I pet and kiss all the dogs, the comedy club I go to almost monthly–that life probably won’t be there when this is over. Not quite. It could be fragmented. Maybe the cute college kid who works at the coffee shop couldn’t afford rent and food during this quarantine, and had to move back home to Ohio where he’s from. Maybe the dog park will just be different, and people won’t be petting or kissing other people’s animals, for fear of disease. Maybe the comedy club I love to patronize will be closed. Or ticket prices will be quadrupled as a response to losing all this money, all this time. So, I cried over that. I mourned the existence I’d loved so much.
My next breakdown was over my loneliness. Though I’m not someone who typically struggles with depression, I did for several years when I was a teenager, and it felt like this monster had come back to visit me recently. Maybe I’d have a few hours of stability, but I could always feel depression creeping behind me, ready to pounce whenever I went just a little too long without some human interaction. I lost it one day in the kitchen. My boyfriend found me there sobbing so heavily I couldn’t speak. I was just. So. Lonely. I say this to let you know that if you’ve had several breakdowns, you can take solace in one thing: that’s totally normal right now. If you haven’t had a breakdown, then I’m worried for you. Here are breakdowns you’ll likely have during quarantine.