How Being A Child Of Infidelity Affects You As An Adult
I’ve been quite open about having a dad who had lots of affairs. I did plenty of hard time in therapy to try and minimize the damage that would do to my psyche, and to my future relationships. Unfortunately, I think there are some experiences you can never totally rid your subconscious of. There are some experiences—some traumas—that are so rare, like surviving a plane crash or a shark attack, that there is merit in the idea that you never need to worry about that happening again. But infidelity? Well, that does happen all of the time. That’s not just some freak accident that comes around every 100 years. You probably know several people dabbling in infidelity if not having full-blown affairs right now.
Even though my therapists worked with me to get rid of some of the destructive and unhealthy patterns my dad’s infidelity had caused in me, it’s not like they could responsibly tell me that infidelity will never happen again. They knew that I would go out into the world and witness infidelity many, many times—and possibly be the victim of it. Or even the perpetrator. Though, I truly couldn’t live with myself if I did that to somebody. What I’m saying is that, if infidelity broke up your family, no matter how much therapy you go through and how much personal work you complete, it will always stick with you a little bit. Being a child of infidelity changes the way you look at things. It can make you more cautious, more nervous, and a bit more judgmental than those who didn’t have their families torn apart by affairs. I’ve recently had to come to terms with the fact that, I’m not entirely free of what my dad did. It does still affect my psyche. Here is how being a child of infidelity can affect you as an adult.
You don’t want unfaithful friends
I loop almost anyone who partakes in any sort of infidelity with my dad. I see them as part of the same group—the group without values, without empathy, and even without humanity. If I learn of a friend cheating on her partner, I can turn my back on her. And have.