Black Men Discuss Fatherhood And What They Plan to Tell Their Sons About Sex
When it comes to love, our fathers model how to give and receive love and also how to navigate questions and concerns about intimacy. We often talk about how fathers show their daughters what to expect from partners when they get older, but seldom do we discuss the role of dads in demonstrating to their sons how to give love and how to show respect for their partners when it comes to physical intimacy.
Last month we focused on mothers and what they planned to tell their daughters about sex. This month we talked to fathers about how they plan to explain the ‘birds and the bees’ to their sons.
Anthony &Jaxson, 5 |@antesmooth
Fatherhood has taught me many things Some days I looks at my son and daughter and I’m in awe that I’m actually someone’s father. The pressure, responsibility, and expectations that comes along with being a father are a blessing and slightly overwhelming. My goal each day is to teach my kids the values they need to be morally conscious, kind, and loving toward all individuals. Most days I find that they’re teaching me just as much
To date, I’ve been a father for five years. I have an opinionated, determined and inquisitive 5-year-old little boy, and a curious, loving and full of personality 15-month-old daddy’s girl. Here are a few of the lessons I’ve learned so far:
1. Be patient; enjoy the moment in the moment because you’ll never get that moment again.
2. Allow self expression. Children have feelings and opinions too. They want to be heard and treated just like everyone else. This leads to trust and open dialogue.
3. Answer questions and feed their curious minds. Kids want answers and if you don’t give it to them they will find them elsewhere.
This year my son starts kindergarten. While I’m excited that he’s starting his schooling career, I’m nervous because now I can’t shield him as much from different conversations that can happen in school. I’m anxiously preparing mentally for the “sex talk..
The thing I fear most is that he will learn about sex from classmates in school before I can educate him. I have so many questions myself. What age should I start this conversation? How should I start our “talk”? Should I scare him into not having sex by telling him all the consequences or just be transparent and believe that he’ll use the values that his mother and I instilled over time to make a responsible decision?
I want my son to know that sex is a serious decision between both people. He needs to understand that sex can change your life if you’re not responsible. I want him to know the euphoric feeling of sex can easily turn into regret if you’re not thinking before you act. Overall, the greatest thing my son needs to know is that he can ask his parents any questions and we’ll be there to answer, no matter how awkward.
Using protection is going to be a major part of our conversation. Not only will we talk about protection, but I will take him to store when that time comes. He needs to understand that if he’s going to engage in sex he has to use protection each time.
Around age 10-12 my parents separated. This was around the time that I began having questions about sex. I heard a bunch of people talking about it in school and I wanted to ask my parents but they had their own things going on. Fortunately for me, my older sister (we’re 20 years apart) was there to answer all of my questions. She didn’t make me feel embarrassed or weird for having questions or bringing up conversations that my friends were having. I’m grateful that my sister was there to properly educate me about sex.
Michael ( Miles-3, MJ-8, Maximus-1)|@5iverokk
I have 3 sons, ages 8, 3, and 1, and, honestly, I can’t wait to have the sex talk. There is no playbook for fatherhood or parenting so I’m looking forward to a unique experience.
A lot of being a father of three is trial and error. I’m trying to give my children the best experience possible by incorporating the best things from my childhood while leaving the more traumatic parts behind. As a child I never had an official sex talk from my parents and a lot of my close friends didn’t either. Most of what I learned about sex came from stories from my older cousins, my friends or movies. I envision talking about sex with my sons will be goofy, which I’m totally cool with because honestly sex is goofy in the beginning. I plan to do the good ol’ condom over the banana routine to show them how to use protection correctly.
My ultimate goal is to educate them on what sex is early (13-14 years old) so that they don’t have an opportunity to get all that misinformation and take it as facts. Hopefully educating them early and establishing those lines of communication will provide them with a resource that me and most of my friends didn’t have growing up.