How To Deal With A Crazy Ex

December 8, 2011  |  
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It should be simple, right? You make the decision not to see or talk to someone again, and they go away. Last I checked, breakups were one-sided decisions, not democratic ones. At least, they should be. But it doesn’t work out that way when you have a crazy ex. They have no regard for your decision to shut them out. They have issues. Their insecurities are far stronger than their sense of…maturity, sanity, pride…you get the point. And the usual, polite protocol of a breakup—they don’t think that applies to them. Here is how to deal:

Block him and all his affiliates on Facebook:

It can’t just stop at him. He will ask his friends who know you to use their accounts to spy on you. With the friends who he doesn’t think will say yes, he will just sneak onto their computers while they are not looking. And if he sees one guy post on your wall, or one picture of you looking a little drunk, or even just a sign of life, you can expect a nasty message or embarrassing wall post. Or, he might even track down a guy he saw post on your wall and threaten him.

Email filters:

Create a filter for every email address he has, or any email that comes through with his name. As he slowly uses more of his family’s and friend’s email addresses to contact you (which he will), filter those, too. Don’t just “archive” the emails. Or send them to spam. Because you will be tempted at some point to look up those messages. And the content could shake you to your core. That is why this filter is being created; because even though you know he is crazy, you loved him at one point, and his words have the power to hurt you. Even to tempt you to call him up…create a filter that automatically deletes the emails. Poof!

Warn friends and family:

He will at some point reach out to your friends and family, and he will seem like the sweetest, most sound-minded man. He will ask them how you’re doing. He will tell them how much he enjoyed getting to know them. He will write an indirect love letter to you, telling them how much he loved you and asking if there is anything they can do to help him get in contact with you. Warn all of your friends and family ahead of time that this type of message might be coming their way, but that he has been acting completely insane and to ignore it.

DO NOT RESPOND:

Even though you are doing all you can to shut him out, he will still get through sometimes. He will somehow leave you a voicemail or send you an email or text that involves a little bit of sobbing, some apologizing and the eventual psychotic progression into accusations, calling you a wh*re, screaming at you…you know, the usual train of thought for a crazy person. But, do not respond. It will be SO tempting because he is insulting your pride, but you have to remind yourself “this person is not sane.” He is just saying anything to get a rise out of you. And a stable, mature, sane person would never have left a message like this.

Get out there:

This will help a lot with the not responding step. You need to be out there, meeting plenty of men. Not necessarily to date them, but to compare their behavior to your ex’s when you first met him. Usually, there were signs in the beginning that he was nuts. Now that you’ve seen him actually go nuts, you can probably see those signs more clearly. Be around men who are kind and stable so you can tell yourself “I 100% don’t want to go back to my crazy ex, because now I know that that is not the only type of man out there.”

Be around those who love you:

Since your ex’s messages that do get through will most likely have some nasty words—he could accuse you of having cheated, he could get really nit picky and criticize the way you dressed, ate, breathed—you need to be around people who love you and flatter you. You need that constant affirmation of self if you’re going to have any chance of not lashing back out at the ex and responding in an effort to defend yourself.


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