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Your opinion of me never mattered

Source: Charday Penn / Getty

If you truly want to know what you have to look forward to in a new partner, it’s always wise to take into consideration what their exes have to say about them. Even when it comes to the most bitter and jaded of ex-lovers, somewhere in their story, you’ll discover an ounce of truth and, if you listen closely enough, a cautionary tale.

Over the summer, it was revealed that Cyntoia Brown married former Pretty Ricky member, Jaime J. Long and, without missing a beat, Long’s ex-wife, Pam Long, of legendary R&B group Total, came forward to issue warning to Brown regarding her new husband. You can read the full story here, but in short, Pam felt that Jaime had preyed on her and speculated that he had pursued Cyntoia in the same manner.

“This man is diabolical and he is such a manipulator. The way this man pursued this woman is the way he did me. He came and found me using the same card, ‘He was a Christian artist,’” said Pamela.

She continued to say that Jaime’s motives for pursuing Cyntoia are the public’s attention and monetary gain.

“May the Lord God protect her and her money. It’s about who she is in the public eye and what she has. By her having this face in the media it helps him to have a chance to be around what he deems as the elites.”

As many of you pointed out in the comments beneath the original article as well as on Facebook, Cyntoia has been through enough up until this point. The last thing any of us want to see is her falling prey to the wrong relationship. And while that doesn’t mean that she needs to run to the courthouse and immediately draw up a petition for divorce solely based on the strength of Pam’s words, she also should not completely disregard them.

In a recent interview with Essence, Cyntoia opened up about quite a bit — including her marriage to Jaime. She addressed learning to deal with social media and her personal choices, such as her marriage to Long, coming under scrutiny.

“Social media has its good, but it also has people who just think they know you,” she said. “They invite themselves into your personal matters. There’s a certain element of it that you put yourself out there in the public eye, there’s a certain part that’s going to be brought under scrutiny, but when it comes to things like that, these people ain’t in my house. so I don’t give it much thought. Whenever that door closes and it’s just us, that’s what it is.”

While some outlets have speculated that Brown was referring to Pam directly, she never actually mentions her name or her words of warning. It’s okay if she never publicly acknowledges Pam’s comments, but hopefully, she at least takes them into consideration in her quiet time and takes measures to protect herself, if she deems it necessary.

At the inception of most relationships, we all tend to put our best foot forward, but old habits die hard and patterns in relationships are difficult to break. With intensive self-work, we can make changes for the better, but more often than not, we are who we are. At some point, in even the best of relationships, the representative will fade into the background and the reality of who you’re in a relationship with— good, bad, or indifferent —  will be impossible deny. Your partner’s ex already met that person and likely knows them quite well, so don’t be so quick to write her off as a Bitter Betty. Hear her out and you might learn something.

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