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African American couple having a morning coffee together in the kitchen

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While modern dating can sometimes feel like a race to the finish line, experts and researchers advise us to take it slow.

“Slow dating,” means how it sounds–two people decide to date with a purpose and a goal in mind, without rushing through the “getting to know you” process. Some folks are turning back to ‘slow dating,’ after finding that whirlwind romances are fun, but not sustainable.

“You intentionally focus your energy on one person for an extended period of time as you gradually get to know them over the course of longer dates and over a longer period of time,”  licensed professional counselor Crystal Bradshaw said of the practice. 

In slow dating, you probably don’t jump in the sack immediately–instead you may opt to have more creative dates to get to know one another on a deeper level. This trend is becoming increasingly popular as more singles opt for quality over quantity in a sea of options.

“Many people are preferring to receive fewer matches that are quality ones over being flooded with a mass quantity of non-viable matches on some of the dating apps,”  psychologist Dr. Yvonne Thomas, Ph.D. said of the move towards “slow.”

Slow daters opt to actually “do life” together and see how it goes. They stray away from conventional dinner and drinks and actually take the time to plot out dates that help you see how someone handles different situations. It’s pretty hard to learn someone’s character if all you do is party and sex.

Bradshaw says that people who want to slow date may choose to do anything from eating at “a new restaurant to the new exhibit at the museum you’re dying to see.”

She advises people to stay away from face-to-face only dating.

“You want to be engaged in an activity, doing something new, and the conversations that you have will be about the present moment, the activity you are engaged in,” she continued.

“You’ll be surprised by the type of information you will glean from those experiences. You’ll find out things about your date that you would have never discovered doing the ‘cup of coffee’ date, drinks at a noisy bar, and sitting quietly in a movie.”

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