Will You Really Never Find The One Or Is It Just Taking A While? 8 Common Negative Thoughts Turned On Their Head

September 11, 2019  |  
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negative thoughts about self

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Negative thoughts can plague us all sometimes. It’s part of the human condition. We evolved to always want more, because our ancestors who were the hungriest for more were the ones who survived. They built better shelters and discovered more effective hunting techniques. We can’t help but think how could things be better. But, unfortunately, since we are so used to focusing on how things could be better, that also means that we focus on how things are not good enough. It’s hard to feel very happy when we look at things that way. But, something cool about the human mind is that we have the gift of self-consciousness. We are aware of our perspective, and so we have the ability to shift it. And, funny enough, when we shift our perspective, sometimes we actually change the real facts of our lives. Here are common negative thoughts, turned on their heads.


I’ll never meet anyone

If you’ve been in the dating game for a long time and feel you just can’t find anybody quality, that can get frustrating. And you might start to have thoughts like will I be alone forever? There’s no promise—no guarantee—that X amount of dates=finding the one.


My relationship won’t be codependent

You will meet someone. Just take my word for it. You will. So don’t worry about that element. Instead, think about this: because you’ve gotten so good at making yourself happy, on your own, when you do find somebody, you won’t have a codependent relationship. You’ll start it from a place of strength. You’ll know how to be happy as an individual, before getting into a relationship.


I lack impulse control

Your life is full of a little too much of the good stuff. Big meals with friends. Plenty of shared bottles of wine. Spontaneous trips. You look at some other women you know who stick to rigid diets, never wavering, have strict no-alcohol-on-weeknights policies, and have very tight, detailed calendars as far as the eye can see with no time for spontaneous trips. You worry you lack impulse control.


I enjoy life

How about this: you just enjoy life. When your body or soul tells you, “That would feel nice” you say, “Well, body/soul, you deserve things that feel nice!” and you go for it. It could never hurt, if you really feel you need it, to rein in any of it (the drinking, the eating heavy foods) a bit but, never lose touch with the part of you that loves life and treats yourself.


I don’t have many friends

You know some women with phones that are constantly blowing up with invitations to high-profile events. You look at their social media pages and they are certainly women about town, at some gala or red carpet event that you didn’t even know was happening, surrounded by new people each night. It has you feeling like you don’t have many friends.


I have quality friends

You have something that other women wish they had: quality friends. Many people who run around to lively events with tons of people every night only do so to distract themselves from the fact that they don’t have a few, quality friends to stay in with and order delivery.


Success is taking a long time

So others are hitting their stride before you. Others are receiving accolades, praise, and recognition before you are. You feel like success is taking a very long time. You’re fixated on the fact that you’re not yet seeing those results—that outside approval.


I’m learning a lot

There are a lot of reasons it can actually be a good thing if success takes some time. One of those reasons is this: you’re learning a lot. Once success comes, you can get swept up in the appearances and appointments that come with that, and you stop improving. The longer you wait for success, the more ready you’ll be for that spotlight when it arrives.


I wish I had more money

Money is an object, and it’s one that you have to keep a close eye on. You always know exactly how much is in your bank account. You have very specific limits you can spend on things like dining and entertainment. You often have to turn down invitations because you just can’t afford the activity. This frustrates you. You wish you were rolling in money.


I’m learning how to budget

Hey, the money will come. In the meantime, you’re learning the valuable skill of budgeting. That’s something you’ll always need, even when you have more money. Some people who make a lot of money early never had to learn how to budget, and they lose all of their money. That won’t happen to you.


I don’t travel enough

You know some people who are always jet-setting. You can’t find the time. Your calendar is booked up for nearly a year. You want to explore every corner of the world. Are you missing out?


I must have a life I love here

If your calendar is booked up for that long, well, that means you’ve built a good life for yourself, right where you are. You should make time to travel eventually, but also cherish the fact that you have such a rich social life where you live. Some who always travel only do so to escape the fact that they haven’t put down roots in one place.


My family dynamic is rough

So your relationship with your family isn’t all daisies. You aren’t one of those women who is girlfriends with her mother or calls your parents to share every piece of news in your life. You guys don’t always vibe.


My family made me strong

Maybe your family made you strong—whether they meant to or not. Perhaps they didn’t give you the encouragement you needed, so you found your own inner strength and motivation. Maybe your parents had a messed up marriage, so you learned what not to do. Whatever your deal is with your family, it made you who you are, and if you like who you are, you can thank them (silently, perhaps).


I don’t know what I want to do

Figuring out what you want to do with your life is not an easy task. If others your age seem settled into their careers now, you can feel that you’re falling behind. You can wonder is something wrong with me?


I haven’t settled for the wrong career

Look at it this way: when you do decide to pursue a career, you’ll be in it for a long time, so it’s actually good you haven’t put roots down in any industry yet if you aren’t sure what you love. You haven’t settled. And that’s a good thing.

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