An Expert Explains Why Talking About Your Partner All Day, Every Day Is Obsessive And Unhealthy

September 5, 2019  |  

Happy couple watching movie on laptop at home

Source: Morsa Images / Getty

The rush of new love can be exciting–I get it. We dive deep into new relationships and drown in the rush of oxytocin surging through your brain. You will probably express these intense feelings to your friends to the point of ad nauseam–which is okay in the beginning. But if you are so consumed with your significant other that thoughts and conversations about them consume your daily life, you need to consider pulling back a bit.

“If you find that you are spending so much time talking about them that it is impacting your ability to do your job or study at school, then it may become an issue,” Dr. Gary Brown, a prominent couples’ therapist in Los Angeles, told Elite Daily. “Talking about your partner is healthy so long as the amount of time you are talking about them is not interfering with your normal day-to-day functioning.”

We can get trapped in a daydream, and it’s important to bring your thoughts back to reality especially when you’ve been together for awhile.

“If you find yourself constantly immersed in the thought of them — that feeling of running across a field to jump into their arms — that’s OK in the beginning stages,” Dr. Brown said. “Much after that, it may feel more like an obsession than true, mature love.”

Your relationship should be a part of your life, not your whole life. There should be things you are invested in outside of your partnership that give you life and energy.

“I don’t think it’s healthy to be [so] consumed that you can’t or won’t talk about anything else,” Dr. Brown said. “It’s one thing to talk a lot about your love, and it’s another to totally focus all of your mental energy on them, excluding everything and everyone else.”

One way to evaluate if you’ve gone too far is to ask someone you trust what they think.

“It is important to gain some perspective about your feelings for your partner,” Dr. Brown said. “Ask someone close to you for a reality check. What is their experience? How much [do] you talk about your partner?”

If they say you’re doing too much, make an effort to pick up some hobbies, take up a new skill, in order to make your life rich with or without them.

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