How To Tell When He’s Ready To Change For The Better

September 6, 2019  |  

Love is being in your arms

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“He’s not sorry. He doesn’t feel that he did anything wrong and he’s going to do it again,” I said to no one in particular.

“How do you know?” my husband asked partially amused.

We were deeply engrossed in an episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta and, along with the rest of the world, we were witnessing Porsha Williams and Dennis McKinley go through those new relationship growing pains every couple seems to go through at some point or another. The kind of growing pains that call for some boundary setting.

While I can’t recall every detail of the episode, I clearly remember Porsha expressing to Dennis that something he’d done had made her uncomfortable. They had both previously agreed to stop communicating with ex-flings, but Porsha learned that Dennis hadn’t exactly held up his end of the deal and had been teetering on some fine lines. There was something in the way that he apologized that suggested he didn’t actually see anything wrong with what he did and the smug look on his face seemed to indicate that he would probably do it again if given the opportunity. The look of concern mixed with anxiety on Porsha’s face suggested that some part of her knew it would happen again as well.

Perhaps I was projecting, but I’d definitely been in Porsha’s shoes before. I think we all have. You find out your man has been behaving inappropriately with some other woman or crossed some sort of boundary within your relationship. You express that the behavior makes you uncomfortable and would like for it to stop. He appeases you by agreeing to cease the behavior. You feel good about having had the talk but there’s still a part of you that remains unsettled. Somewhere down the road, you find out that the behavior never stopped and, perhaps has even escalated, and you’re left wondering why you didn’t see this coming. However, the truth, whether you admit it to yourself or not, is that you did see it coming. We always see it coming.

No one is perfect. We all make mistakes and have temporary lapses in judgment, which means we don’t always have to be so quick to throw people away when they mess up. (And no, I’m not talking about cheating.) At the same time, no one wants to be out here playing boo boo the fool either. So, how can you tell when your partner’s really ready to change for the better? I strongly believe in the power of women’s intuition. But if you’re not willing to trust your gut, here’s what I’ve learned over the years about being able to tell when your partner’s ready to turn over a new leaf and is offering more than just lip service.

He’s actually remorseful

If a person sees nothing wrong with their actions, there’s really no reason to make a change. If he isn’t demonstrating an ounce of sincere remorse, you can probably bet money on the fact that he’s not about to change any time soon.

He places his pride in the backseat

Addressing someone about their problematic behavior can pose a threat to the ego, but someone who is truly sorry puts their pride in check and accepts the criticism.

He takes ownership of his actions

A clear sign of someone who has resigned to stay set in their ways is when they refuse to even acknowledge their wrongdoing. Someone who is truly committed to change has no problem owning up to their actions.

He takes action

One of the most beautiful things about Angela Rye and Common’s reconciliation is that he sought help in the form of therapy before stepping to her about getting back together. When someone is truly committed to being a better person, they take the initiative to better themselves without you pressuring them to do so.

What are some other ways you can tell a partner is ready to change for the better?

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