Why Some First Dates Are Hot, And Other First Dates Flop

August 14, 2019  |  

Wherever you go, go with love

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Depending on who you are, first dates can bring a lot of excitement or fear. There is so much hope/potential disappointment on the other side of a first face-to-face meet up. Some people find the whole process exhilarating whether it works out or not. For those who may be a little more, risk averse, the entire meet, greet and first conversation can send their blood pressure sky high.

“First dates are often the scariest dates of all — perhaps with the exception of you and your partner meeting each other’s families,” Dr. LeslieBeth Wish, licensed clinical psychotherapist, relationship expert, and author of Training Your Love Intuition,

Continuing, “But the reason that first dates and family meet-ups are so scary is the same: We give them such high emotional importance. Maybe you are lonely, haven’t dated in a while, or feel burned from your previous relationships. Those circumstances will make you more guarded — which then prompts your date to become silent.”

The number one thing you should be conscious of is keeping your expectations at a balanced level. Otherwise, you can freak yourself out and your date.

“If you’re looking for ‘The One,’ your anxiety goes way up on that first date,”  Dr. Wish explained.  “You worry that you’ll talk too much, say the wrong thing, spill something, get food caught in your teeth or that your date won’t be attracted to you. The greater your emotional investment, the higher the anxiety.”

Try to take the pressure off the entire situation by just seeing the interaction as ordinary. In our daily lives we encounter people all the time and are able to engage and get to know them without fast-forwarding to the future.

“Make your dates resemble real life,” Dr. Wish advised. “Most of life as a couple consists of spending time doing ordinary things. So, make your dates ordinary events so you can get a feel for life with him or her. The goal is to reduce your first date jitters — which most often bring out the worst in both of you. When you lower the importance of the activity, your guard goes down and you each can see a more accurate view of each other.”

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