All that crazy, intense chemistry you may have with your new boo may not be sustainable long term. A lot of people rush into commitment based on these euphoric feelings and quickly discover there is more that goes into compatibility than passion.
Real relationships are based on a foundation of shared values, lifestyles and personalities, and they also require commitment through the highs and the lows.
“If you don’t feel your partner has your back when the chips are down, you [likely] won’t make it for the long haul,” Christine Scott-Hudson, marriage and family therapist and owner of Create Your Life Studio, told Bustle, “Your relational foundation should be so solid that if the winds and the rains come, you won’t wash away.”
For those of us who get into relationships and jump feet first into the deep end, you may find your partnership drowning when the responsibilities of life creep in on your blissful union.
“In real life, there are bills to pay, kids to nurture, and trash that needs to be taken out,” Dr. Caroline Madden, PhD, licensed marriage and family therapist and author, told Bustle. “Eventually, the fun and excitement will give way to the real work of a relationship.”
If your happiness in the relationship is based on feeling “drunk in love,” reality will bring you down real quick.
“Having an intense connection can be great, but that connection can lead to couples having high expectations of each other and the relationship,” Jeannie Assimos, eharmony’s chief of advice, told Bustle.
Beyond the bliss chasing, when couples settle in they must build a firm foundation based on trust. Learning to trust someone takes patience and isn’t always fun. But without this work, these honeymooner couples may find themselves stuck in a tunnel of hesitation or accusation.
Shannon Wiggins, LCSWA, psychotherapist who specializes in marital and family counseling, told Bustle that couples who are trapped in this cycle may experience the following: “One of two things are prone to happen: the accused partner will grow tired of being accused and throw in the towel or the accusing partner will burn themselves out trying to prove the indiscretions of their partner.”
So the moral of the story: take your time. If it’s a forever kind of love, pacing will benefit both of you.