What To Do When Your Partner Doesn’t Listen To You When You Speak

July 9, 2019  |  

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Partners have so many conversations throughout the day, but that doesn’t mean they are listening to each other. There is a huge difference between hearing and listening–hearing is just one of our senses, a thing our ears are going to do whether we want them to do it or not. But listening is digesting what is being said. It’s taking a pause to comprehend what is being conveyed so you can respond with understanding, empathy and clarity.

Many couples have a big problem with listening. But that’s understandable.

“In all reality, it is impossible to be 100% plugged into life 100% of the time,” sexologist Martha Tara Lee told Elite Daily. “Most of the times we are going through life in hypnotic (semi-awake) states and don’t even know this, like during your morning routine or commute,” she explains. “Hence when your partner speaks to you during this time, you’re not listening and have no recollection of the conversation!”

While this can be annoying, you and your partner can change the way you communicate to eliminate the “zone out.”

“Rather than blame your partner for not listening, ask yourself if you can be a better communicator yourself first,” Lee reccomends.

Here are some more tips from the experts on how to resolve you relational listening problem:

Acknowledge There Is A Problem 

Sometimes you just have to tell your partner that you all are having issues. But since you don’t want it to become blaming wars, start with yourself.

“Take ownership,” Lee told Elite Dailey. Tell your partner,  “I want us to try a few new things so we are better in communicating and have less misunderstandings. Is it OK?” Lee said.

Ask For Attention

This one may be obvious, but it can be hard. “Ask for their attention and time,” Lee advised.

Say, “May I have your attention for five minutes?”

Less Talking, More Touching 

“Establish touch or eye-contact,” Lee reccomends.  “Use your intuition to sense that they are present (not in their mind or distracted in their own thoughts) when you speak.”

Give Them The Highlights

Don’t waste time giving every little detail. Highlight the key points and keep it pushing.

“Repeat back to you the critical information,” Lee advised. “It takes time to be a good listener too! You do not want to alienate your partner, only to be more effective in communicating with them.”

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