32-Year-Old Nicole Byer's Never Had A Boyfriend But She's Not Pressed

Source: Smirnoff / Diageo

Growing up, I was the queen of wearing cardigans in the summertime. So much so that my mama used to squawk at me about catching a heatstroke as I dashed out the door to play with my friends. I’d often squeal something back about it not being that hot as the screen door slammed behind me. It was hot. In fact, it was hot as hell.

The truth was that I just wasn’t comfortable with my body. By the time I was 13, I was at least a C cup and my breast continued to rapidly grow from there. I’d inherited some fairly broad shoulders from my grandmother. And at that young age, I had curves for days so I always felt the need to cover up. Those H&M cardigans were like a security blanket for me. To be perfectly honest, I still feel tempted to grab a sweater before heading out in the middle of August. For this reason, I found myself feeling particularly exposed when comedienne Nicole Byer shared that the symptoms of her body shame also used to manifest in this way. I was excited when I finally got the opportunity to speak to her this month because I was curious to know whether or not there was a pivotal moment that triggered this change within her. However, the “Nailed It” star says that there was no magical life event that changed her thinking — just a moment of clarity.

“I just woke up one day was like ‘People know you’re fat whether you have a cardigan on or your arms are out so why not just let your arms be out because you’re hot,'” the New Jersey native confessed. “And I truly just stopped caring. If someone is going to say something nasty to me about my body, that means my body is powerful. If you really stopped your day because you needed to say something to me, that’s power.”

As for plus-sized girls (or women in general) who are a part of the cardigans in the summer ministry, Byer had this to say:

“Be comfortable in your skin. If you want to change your body, that’s well within your means to do that, but if you don’t want to change your body, you need to accept it and embrace it,” she advised. “Wear the things you want to wear, not what you think people want you to wear. You gotta live your life for you, baby.”

And speaking of living your life, Byer’s confidence and humorous personality make her the life of any party she chooses to attend, which is why it’s no surprise she was selected as a judge for Smirnoff’s Party Pitch campaign. The mini-show, which features a reality TV-style competition, allowed fans to pitch their ultimate red, white, and blue 4th of July party ideas—featuring Smirnoff’s Red, White & Berry—to a panel of judges. For the winner, Smirnoff took the pitched party from concept to reality, throwing a bash for the contestant and their friends.

“Smirnoff decided to have people submit videos where they pitch their epic summer parties using Smirnoff Red, White & Berry. Megan Batoon hosted while me, Alyssa Edwards, and Ryan Serhant were the judges and we picked the one we liked the best,” Byer explained. “Honestly, everyone had really fun party ideas. Maybe I’ll put one in my pocket for later.”

As for who the August baby would select to host her next birthday bash, living or dead, Byer had this to say: “Patrick Swayze because I wanna f-ck him.”

Of course, Nicole’s sense of humor stretches far beyond fat jokes and penis banter, she also pokes fun at her love life for sh-ts and giggles. Since 2017, the “Loosely Exactly Nicole” star has been working at the helm of her podcast, “Why Won’t You Date Me?” When asked what’s the story behind the series, the 32-year-old, who boasts that she “has a fat a– and loves giving blow jobs,” explained that the title of the web show says it all.

“I mean, I’m a single woman who nobody wants to date so I started doing a podcast about it,” she said matter of factly.

Of course, I had to press. Surely someone wants to date the bright-eyed, bubbly TV star.

“Girl, no one?” I asked.

“No, that’s why I have a podcast called ‘Why Won’t You Date Me.’ I’ve never had a boyfriend,” she pushed back.

She doesn’t say that to garner sympathy though. In fact, if you’re broke and boo’d up you might want to use that sympathy on yourself instead because Byer says her relationship status is quite the moneymaker.

“I’m making a ton of money off of it so I don’t care,” she added. “You gotta monetize things!”

We hear you, girl!

Follow Jazmine on Twiter @jazminedenise and visit her blog, Black Girl Mom.

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