Do You Find Yourself Dating The Same Dude Over & Over Again? Research Says There Is A Reason Why

June 11, 2019  |  

But that's what happened...

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Ever find yourself dating the same man in a different body? A lot of us are subconsciously drawn to men who exhibit the same behaviors, character and tendencies. Even if you’re recovering from a bad breakup and vow to never date “his type” again, the likelihood that you will date a similar man in the next relationship is high.

A team of psychologists at University of Toronto found that even if you desire to date the total opposite of your former partner, you may not be able to break your cycle of attraction.

“It’s common that when a relationship ends, people attribute the breakup to their ex-partner’s personality and decide they need to date a different type of person,” lead author on the research, Yoobin Park, a PhD student in the Department of Psychology in the Faculty of Arts & Science at U of T told ZMScience. 

“Our research suggests there’s a strong tendency to nevertheless continue to date a similar personality.”

In the study, Park and his co-author Geoff Macdonald compared the personalities of current and former partners of 332 study participants. They found “significant consistency” in the personas of each of the participants’ past lovers.

“The effect is more than just a tendency to date someone similar to yourself,” Park said of their findings.

MacDonald added to Park’s assessment saying, saying that no matter how hard we try to branch out, our types pull us back in.

“The degree of consistency from one relationship to the next suggests that people may indeed have a ‘type’,”  MacDonald explained.

“And though our data do not make clear why people’s partners exhibit similar personalities, it is noteworthy that we found partner similarity above and beyond similarity to oneself,” he concluded.

Even though we may be led to date our type, no matter how volatile that type of connection may be for our lives, it’s possible to do the self work with a professional to discover why you are drawn to repeated patterns of trauma. We fight against our natural inclinations all the time–flexing healthy relationship muscles require practice like any other discipline.

 

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