Struggling To Get Your Partner To Be More Attentive? Read These Tips

June 10, 2019  |  

Below view of embraced African American couple talking in autumn day.

Source: skynesher / Getty

Every single romantic relationship requires fine tuning. One of the best ways to “do the work” is by communicating frequently with your boo–about everything. House chores, lifestyles, routines, budgets and vacations may dominate the majority of our convos, but sometimes you have to pause and ask yourself, are you and your significant other talking and listening, or just saying words?

“In all reality, it is impossible to be 100% plugged into life 100% of the time,” sexologist Martha Tara Lee told Elite Daily. “Most of the times we are going through life in hynoptic (semi-awake) states and don’t even know this, e.g. morning routine, commuting, etc.,” she describes.

“Hence, when your partner speaks to you during this time, you’re not listening and have no recollection of the conversation!”

Since we all fall victim to this inactive listening, it’s important that when you catch your partner doing it, you take a calm approach.

“Rather than blame your partner for not listening, ask yourself if you can be a better communicator yourself first,” Lee suggests. Communication also goes beyond spoken words, you can start to use body language and eye gazing to convey your points. On the reverse, you can also use that face-to-face time to determine if your partner is really in the space to have an in-depth conversation.

“Establish touch or eye contact. Use your intuition to sense that they are present (not in their mind or distracted in their own thoughts) when you speak,” Lee advised.

The most important approach you can take to mending communication is by approaching them with openness, and not anger.

“Don’t pounce on them and blame or shame them,” Lee said.

“It takes time to be a good listener too! You do not want to alienate your partner, only to be more effective in communicating with them.”

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