A wise person once gave me some very simple relationship advice: indecision is a decision. If you have been dealing with someone who purposefully keeps the relationship hot and cold, and you’re feeling uncomfortable with the start and stop, it may be time to get off the ride.
“When people enjoy on and off relationships it’s because they are still exploring what they want versus need,” Clarissa Silva, behavioral scientist and creator of Your Happiness Hypothesis Method told Elite Daily. “But knowing what type of relationship you want helps you not idealize unhealthy relationships or settle.”
A lot of times, we may stick around these people in hopes our connection will change their inconsistency, but just hanging around rarely moves someone into action if they aren’t ready.
“If they weren’t sure they could commit, you might not be the one to make them commit. Circumstances that you were aware of before getting into the relationship don’t always change,” Silva told ED.
“Expressing how their inconsistent behavior impacts you is preventing you from further hurt in the relationship.”
Not only are you protecting yourself by expressing your disdain for the grey area, you are also learning something about your potential partner. Non committed people often have emotional blocks that would keep them from being a good partner to begin with. And even in the off chance they are emotionally available, they may not be dependable when it matters the most.
“People that are into on and off relationships are very short-term thinkers. Be specific and explore what it will be like to have that person along with you during major life events and how that person will handle goal-seeking together,” Silva explained.
Make it clear that you are looking for solid commitment. If they aren’t into that, that’s okay! It’s not a personal assessment of your worth or value, you simply just aren’t in the same space.
“Share what you think is ideal for you now and see if they are compatible from their answers. Then, talk about what you want your life life to look like with your ideal partner five years from now,” Silva advised. “Have an honest conversation about what you need and want.”