Experts Says You Aren’t Ready For A Relationship Until You Can Risk Not Being In One

May 16, 2019  |  

Young couple resting in their bed

Source: FG Trade / Getty

There is a lot of talk around who is ready to be in a committed relationship and who isn’t. Some people recommend waiting a few months after a breakup before recommitting to someone new, others advise you work on your sense of self, emotional intelligence and identify your triggers before you do life with someone.

But one expert says that the best way to gauge if you are ready to be in a relationship is to risk not being one. It may sound counter intuitive, but Susan Pease Gadoua, a marriage and relationship expert and the co-author of “The New I Do,” told Medium that couples who make it longterm reach a place of honesty when they accept they don’t need to be in a relationship.

This acceptance opens up space for real vulnerability and transparency to flow. Gadoua sees this moment of letting go as an opener for relationships.

She explains that when relationships operate from a place of survival, fear, insecurity and loneliness become the binding glue in the relationship, which is a death trap for partnership. But when relationships come from a place of actualization, where being with the significant other aids the progress of mutual and personal goals, the pair is more better equipped for forever.

Susan suggests that people in relationships ask each other, “what’s the force that’s holding you?” Being afraid to be alone or fear of divorce or humiliation are low level reasons to stay. But mutual love, commitment, fidelity, shared goals and interests, however, is the key.

Two other deciding factors for relationship longevity is how openly you can speak the truth, and how receptive your partner is to your truth. For some couples, they don’t reach this ultimate truth until they are on the verge of a break up, but in this space, real connection can begin.


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