Earlier, we reported about Diddy, his children and the way he’s been coping since the death of his longtime girlfriend and mother of his children Kim Porter. The interview was recorded with Diddy’s long-time friend dream hampton. In lighting of Mother’s Day, ESSENCE, with the permission of Diddy, published the audio from that conversation. Throughout it, Diddy shares several gems about the lessons Kim taught him, his new role as a “Mommy-Daddy,” whether or not he regrets anything he may or may not have done in their relationships and why Black mothers are the strongest beings on the earth.
It was a total shock and a surprise. It really, really woke me up. It turned everything upside down. It was the craziest, most traumatic thing I’ve ever been through. When somebody says it hits home, or it cuts deep or your world gets turned upside down. It was all that in one.
People not understanding the relationship he and Kim shared
There’s levels and dimensions to love and especially love between a man and woman. There’s this place that almost goes beyond friendship. It’s where two people actually feel a level of responsibility to love this person forever and a total trust. There’s not a lot of people you can say you have total trust. It went beyond us being involved intimately or in a traditional type of relationship. It really felt like a pure definition of unconditional love. Whenever I was around her, I always felt like God had his hand in it. Like God sent her for me to teach me something.
Whether or not he has any regrets about anything that happened in the relationship
No I don’t say I have regrets. I don’t have regrets. I feel like when I had said on social media—somebody said, ‘You should have married her.’ And I said, ‘I played myself.’ And it was in many reasons. I wasn’t being all the way honest with my love for her, to myself and even to other people I was in a relationship with. I don’t have no regrets about how things went. They went the way God wanted them to go. But I was playing with love. And it’s not really to be played with. I definitely took for granted that she would just be with me forever. I took for granted that something like this could happen.
Tapping into his feminine energy to become a better father.
Everything’s about the kids. And that’s what she instilled in me. That’s what she taught me. And now, as a full-time father, the level of presence that I have now and the level of patience that I have. And even selflessness. Nothing comes before my family before. But of course, there would be a couple of dates, some things I would miss because of my work. Really, putting them first. I always loved them as a father. But from a mother’s perspective, the kids come first and that’s it. It’s nothing else that really matters from a mother’s perspective. I immediately had the lens of a mother. The lens I have as a father was combined with the lens of a mother. I had immediately tap into my feminine side and that protective side. The mother protective is a little bit way crazier than the father protector. The emotions are at such a level. I’ve never actually felt emotions like this. My heart was never open like this. I never had my senses like this. So it’s been crazy from that point. But I knew that she was training me for this. I wasn’t scared. I knew that I was ready. I knew that I was ready to do what I was supposed to do if something like this would ever happen, from all the conversations that we had. We never really had conversations about anything else but our kids. Of course we would have our conversations as friends but if there was time. You know, if I had time and we were alone, her focus was her kids. I inherited that. And I’m proud of it. I feel like I was taught by the best. I know what to do. And even if I don’t know what to do, I just ask myself, ‘What would Kim do?’
On raising women
I was really concerned about that. So I went to different women and I asked them what could I do to be the best father that I can to my girls. And they all were consistent. They told me, number one is to listen. To make sure that they can speak to me about anything and they’ll know that I’ll really listen and they know I won’t judge them. I had to let them know I’m here to listen. I constantly let them know I’m here to listen and I’m not going to judge y’all. And I can say I probably was a judgmental person a—not the best listener. A not so good listener. I would describe myself as a bad listener. Then they told me that you can’t be controlling. You’re not going to be able to control them. If you try to control them, it’s going to push them further away. So I wouldn’t say I’m free styling. I would say I’m putting in the work I have to put in to really be able to really fill shoes that are almost impossible to fill. I don’t think that a man could ever fill the shoes that a mother fills. So, knowing that I’m trying to step into my mommy-daddy role and also accept help. I’m accepting help from her friends who were very close to her. And like I said, back to the last question about unconventional family, she said to me, ‘You basically started a tribe and you’re the leader of that tribe so you better start acting like it.’ So the tribe is really coming together. So I would have to say that I’m learning day by day and I’m in search of the knowledge. Because I’m listening, they’re actually teaching me how to become the best partner that I can be.
His plans for this upcoming Mother’s Day, without Kim
The truth is Mother’s Day is going to hurt. We definitely going to celebrate you know all the mothers. We’re not going to get in the way of that. But you know, honestly, anybody that’s lost a mother, lost a soulmate, it takes time. It takes time. They say time heals all wounds but when it comes to your mother, I don’t think that’s the case. And that’s not a negative thing. Because as people we need wounds. Just like when you don’t listen to your mother and you get out of pocket, you need something to sting you sometimes, forever and to keep you on point. And teach you a lesson.
You know…I don’t know what Ima do. Ima figure something out though. This hurts so much. I know that people want to hear the good stuff. But I know it’s going to happen. But it hurts. Aint no way around that. Anything else wouldn’t be the truth. I’m trying to do the interview the way I know—but I don’t know if I can like—you got to help me to have a happy ending. I wanted to do it because I wanted to let everybody know just how special all the mothers are. I don’t think anybody could ever understand what it is to be a Black mother. I think we have the strongest beings. When it comes to the category of who’s the strongest beings on the face of the earth, it would have to be Black mothers, yeah.
To read the words and to hear him share them audibly are two totally different experiences. Listen below.
You can listen to the full interview with Diddy in the clip below.