“She was asking for it.” We hear those words and our bodies get the chills. Anyone who says those words sounds like an immediate villain—a monster, really. Anyone with an even moderately functional moral compass knows that those words are never true. And, yet, sadly—perhaps due to centuries of subconscious brainwashing—I often hear women (yes, women) say things that are akin to “She was asking for it.” Or, worse, “I was asking for it.”
Sometimes the words aren’t quite so blatant. A woman who is the victim of an assault—or comes close to it— may say something like, “I shouldn’t have gone over for a drink” or “I gave him the wrong impression by doing X, Y, or Z.” Whenever I hear women say these things, I want to grab them, shake them, hug them and say, “You are not to blame. Nothing you did brought this upon you. That man was a monster, and you didn’t make that monster. Monsters will do what monsters will do.” When it comes to sexual aggression and assault, here are times you’re still not asking for it, nobody what any person or any subconscious thought suggests.
When you go to his place
Going to his place doesn’t mean he’s entitled to sex. Even sitting with him in his bedroom doesn’t mean that. It doesn’t matter what time of day it is or how flirtatious the behavior leading up to it is—being aggressive about sex is still not okay.