Why Trying To Conceive Can Cause A Lot Of Stress

April 22, 2019  |  
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a year trying to conceive

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If a couple tells you that they’re trying to conceive right now, give them a hug—they’re under a lot of stress. You may think it’s as simple as, “Oh, so they’re having lots of sex right now. That doesn’t sound so bad.” But, anyone who has been in a relationship for a long time knows that you don’t actually feel like doing it that often after a while. It’s actually ironic: we have the most desire to have sex with our partners when we just started dating, but we don’t know each other nearly well enough then to have babies together. Then, once a couple feels stable enough to reproduce, they just aren’t really…in the mood. Look, that’s just one element of why trying to conceive can be stressful, especially if it’s taking a very long time. It impacts a couples’ life more than outsiders may know.

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Friends want an update

Once you announce that you and your partner are trying to conceive, every time you see friends, they want an update. They ask if you’re pregnant yet, which makes the fact that you aren’t pregnant yet sting even more. As if you aren’t sad enough, you have to let your friends down.

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Your parents want grandkids

Your parents know you’re trying to conceive, so now they’re all excited about being grandparents. They’re putting pressure on you now (as if there’s anything you can do to speed things up) because they have ideas of grandbabies in their heads.

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It is expensive

If you need help like fertility treatments, things get expensive, fast. It can be a huge burden on your finances, and any time a couple is stressed about money, their relationship takes a hit.

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Sex becomes utilitarian

Sex ceases to be fun and feels very utilitarian. You don’t have the luxury of just having sex when you feel like it—you have to do it even when you don’t feel like it so you can try to have this baby.

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And sex is highly scheduled

Sex is also high scheduled. It’s all about that ovulation so even if you’re literally in the middle of fighting with your partner, you have to set that aside and have sex if you’re ovulating—even when you’re not feeling each other.

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You’re locked into certain positions

You don’t have the luxury of doing all the positions you like, either. You have to do the positions that enhance your chances of conceiving.

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He cannot help himself

You already wanted him to masturbate less, but now he actually isn’t allowed to. You cannot have any of his precious specimens wasted on the sink. But, I don’t know if you’ve noticed but, um, men become very tense when they can’t masturbate. So he’s cranky.

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You’re watching him closely

You actually have to watch him like a hawk to make sure he doesn’t masturbate. It’s not exactly great for your relationship to have you hovering over him like some drill sergeant.

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It seems so easy for everybody else

There are days you both become frustrated because it seems like everybody else becomes pregnant so easily. There are even couples who don’t want to be pregnant who are pregnant.

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You wonder if it’s a sign

You can’t help but indulge those dangerous thoughts of, “Is this a sign that we’re not meant to be together? Or that we aren’t supposed to have kids?” These never lead anywhere good.

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The doctors appointments are time-consuming

You have to go to a lot of doctors appointments. You’re both taking your lunch breaks to do this. You’re arguing if one of you is ten minutes late. Just making these happen is stressful.

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You can’t drink throughout all this

Just in case you do become pregnant without realizing it, you can’t touch alcohol. But man would alcohol help a lot during this stress.

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Other announcements pale in comparison

Everybody is anticipating your baby announcement. So if you announce anything else, like a promotion, people aren’t that excited for you. They wanted this to be about a baby.

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All the unsolicited advice

Everybody and their mother gives you unsolicited advice and checks in to see if you took it. It’s like you’re given homework every week.

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Ovulation rules everything

Your ovulation rules your lives. You have to miss events because you’ll be ovulating that night and have to do it a bunch. You start to feel antisocial.

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