What Experts Want You To Know About Breakups
Breaking up is hard to do, whether you are on the receiving end or the initiator. There can be a lot mixed feelings that go into ending a connection and the detangling process can be horribly difficult.
Here are some truths you should know about breakups that will help you along your journey, according to Elite Daily.
It’s Not “Mean” To End A Connection
Yes, it may hurt them–hell, I’m sure it hurts you too. But don’t make yourself feel double pain for ending the relationship, especially if you were incompatible.
“Know that even if it is really difficult and painful, you are doing the right thing vs. letting the relationship drag on,” Leckie explained to Elite Daily. . “Staying in something that is no longer working would be doing both of you a disservice.”
Adding, “The sooner you end the relationship, the sooner you can start the healing process and move on with the next chapter of your life.”
Give Them Respect Of An In Person Conversation
No text message or phone call breakups, please.
“Meet up with them in person, preferably at their home,” Leckie advised. “You don’t want them to be caught off guard in a public setting where they may become very emotional.”
“Start off the conversation by saying something positive about them and about the time you shared together (to soften the blow a bit),” Leckie said.
“Explain why you have decided that you no longer want to be in the relationship and allow them to ask any questions they may have so they don’t feel like they missed out on getting closure. Anticipate that they may get upset or even angry, but it is imperative to stay calm and compassionate. You want to put yourself in their shoes.”
Leave The Trash Talking In Your Head
You may be mad, angry or frustrated, but saying terrible things about your ex to all your friends and your acquaintances actually makes you look and feel bad in the end.
“When deciding on ending the relationship and talking to other people about your relationship, try to refrain from highlighting negative things about your ex,” Clarissa Silva, behavioral scientist and clinician, told Elite Daily.
“Simply because it disrespects you,” Silva adds. “After all, you were in the relationship with the person. When you retell events or character flaws, the person listening will wonder why you were in the relationship to begin with. Utilize your discussions to be about rebuilding yourself and not diminishing the other person because that doesn’t improve your sense of self. It may feel good in the short-term, but not long-term.”