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Ideally, you and your partner should see eye to eye on the most important things. You should feel as if your core values match and that your critical beliefs are pretty similar. If those things aren’t in sync, then you’re in store for a miserable and tumultuous relationship. But, also understand that you won’t agree on literally everything. Expecting that will also lead to a miserable relationship, simply because you’ll be disappointed every day. You are different people, after all. That’s part of what makes your relationship fun and dynamic. He compliments your personality and visa versa. But, what that means is that sometimes you simply will not agree on something. That’s okay—there are some things you just have to agree to disagree on. It won’t hurt the relationship.
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That one friend
Maybe your boyfriend has a friend you just don’t like. You think he’s rude. He doesn’t really ask you questions about yourself or include you in the conversation. You don’t get him, at all, but he’s one of your partner’s best friends.
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It’s his friend—not yours
So long as this friend isn’t outwardly rude and disrespectful of you, just let it go. Understand maybe there’s something your partner sees in this guy that you just don’t see. If they’re childhood friends, he isn’t going anywhere. But you can also express that you don’t exactly want him moving into the guest room.
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A difficult family member
I have a difficult family member. My mother, bless her heart, is rather open about the fact that she wishes my partner made more money. That’s just how she is though. She actually does love him. I’ve tried to explain to him many times that my mom is critical of everyone she loves—that there’s no such thing as a universe in which she just doesn’t criticize. While I don’t think there’s excuse for her negativity, I also know that it doesn’t mean she doesn’t love him.
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He can’t see it my way
I’ve had to accept that I’m not going to make my partner believe—after hearing all my mom’s critiques—that my mom actually adores him. In fact, if I were in his shoes, and one of his parents criticized me, I’d think for sure that they just didn’t approve of me.
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A coworker who invokes jealousy
I have some coworkers who my partner believes want to sleep with me. On the flip side, there are some women who I believe want to sleep with him. He will try so hard to draw up evidence and prove that this or that guy wants me. I do the same to him. Meanwhile, we both insist these friends of the opposite sex don’t have that intention.
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We trust each other
All that really matters is that we trust each other. Maybe my partner is right—maybe this one male friend does want to sleep with me. Ultimately, it ain’t happening, so that’s that. And while I wish he could see it’s so clear this one female colleague of his wants him, at the end of the day, he wouldn’t cheat on me, so why does it matter?
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Politics
If you have different politics, it can be very difficult. If anyone makes the mistake of turning on the news, and the other comments on it, an all-out battle can happen for the entire night.
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Your personal politics matter the most
At the end of the day, you two—as individuals—will not change the world through arguing. All that matters is that you treat each other and the people within your network in a way that you both respect. That’s all that affects you at the end of the day.
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The alone time you need
My boyfriend needs a lot of alone time. Often, I’m rearing to catch up and do something together, and he’s so burnt out he just wants to watch a TV show alone in another room. I get upset because it’s our one free night that week to hang, and he’s wasting it on alone time.
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There’s no winning that one
So, if I forced my partner to forego his alone time, he’d only resent me, and wouldn’t even enjoy what we do. I cannot possibly tell him how much alone time he needs. I don’t know what it’s like to be him. The situation frustrates me every time but I’ve had to let it go.
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Giving oral
Who gives it more? Is it obligatory? Should it be even, back and forth? So-and-so’s partner does it more often. One person is selfish about it.
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Discussing it makes matters mostly worse
Yes, my partner wishes I’d go down there more. But he also realized that, back when he expressed that, and I abided, he wound up not really enjoying it—he felt guilty, because he wasn’t sure if I actually wanted to, or just felt obligated. With sex acts, you can’t really fight about who does or doesn’t do this or that. It takes the fun out of it when it does happen.
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What you’d do in the event of a pregnancy
Okay okay, hear me out until the end of this. My boyfriend and I did once get into a huge fight about what we’d do in the event of an accidental pregnancy. He would not want me to get an abortion, and I think that is my choice and also so unfair of him.
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It’s not happening right now
You know what I realized? It was silly to get into a screaming battle about a hypothetical situation. As of now, I take my pill on time every day. We do what we must to prevent pregnancy. So long as that is true and that works, this fight is unnecessary. I don’t need him to see things my way on the matter if the matter doesn’t come up.
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Who does what more chore more
You will nitpick over who cleans whose dishes or who picks up toilet paper more often. This is just what happens when you live together. You’ll start drawing graphs and keeping receipts, trying to prove things.
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Just do your best
It’s ultimately impossible to keep a perfect score on domestic things. What matters is you both pull your weight, to the best of your abilities, and thank each other for doing so. Focus on what the other person does do, rather than what he doesn’t do.
