How To Keep Wedding Planning From Breaking You Apart
Deciding to get engaged and plan a wedding is something a couple does when they want to solidify their relationship, and yet—ironically—it’s these very things that can actually break many couples apart. Wedding planning has just become so incredibly stressful. Has it always been this stressful? Really, older generations—chime in—was your life a living hell when you were planning your big day? It’s so stressful for couples today that the very act of planning a wedding makes it so that there is no wedding, because the couple just fights so much throughout the process that they call it quits. That’s rather sad, right? Hopefully, a solid couple wouldn’t split up over wedding planning, but even the strongest of couples will tell you that they don’t exactly get along during this task. So, here are tips to keep your wedding planning from breaking up your relationship.
Be reasonable about the destination
Alright so, you both live in a town where plenty of your family and friends also live. Meanwhile, his are hundreds of miles away. He wants to move the wedding to more of a middle ground—somewhere his friends and family can get more affordable flights and hotels. Maybe it seems silly to you, since now everyone has to travel, including your friends and family. But, if a middle ground makes it easier for his RSVPs to go from 30 percent “Yes” to 70 percent “Yes,” then do it for him. Your friends and family will travel a little ways for your big day.
Deny outsider requests when possible
You already will not be able to accommodate all of each other’s requests in this, so outsiders are just going to have to stay out of it. That means that your parents, for example, cannot pressure you to have the wedding at their preferred venue. Tell them to back away. It’s better you fight with them than with your partner right now.
Don’t keep score
Hard as it may be, try not to keep score. What I mean is, when deciding on one thing, don’t just say, “Well you got your way last time so I get my way on this thing.” This immediately creates an environment that is contentious rather than collaborative.
Really: tell outsiders to pipe down
Really, truly, do not let people besides you and your fiancé get involved in this decision-making process. That even means telling your parents to stop pressuring you about when you two will be making this or that decision, even if they don’t get to put in their two cents. If outsiders stress you out, you’ll project that onto your partner.
Don’t take tardiness personally
If your partner hasn’t yet done the wedding task he said he’d do, don’t immediately jump to taking it personally. Don’t think it’s because he doesn’t want to marry you. This creates unnecessary fighting and stress.
But don’t get upset if your tardiness is mentioned
Everyone needs to try to be patient and empathetic. If your partner is on your case about when you’re going to do the thing you already said you’d do, don’t get mad at him. He’s just trying to keep this wedding planning moving—his intention isn’t to pester you.
Realize how little actually matters
On your wedding day, you will not notice the flowers. You will not notice which plates you selected. You will not notice the chairs. Go for the budget option on these choices, and don’t stress over picking them out for long.
List your must-haves at the top
Before starting your planning, discuss what your absolute must-haves are. Express to one another what you have to have in order to feel happy with the wedding. It’s good to just know this about each other before beginning the planning.
If it’s more guests or a pricier event…
You may have to decide between having the gourmet caterer and high-end alcohol you want, but a smaller guest list, or the more budget-friendly food and beverage, to accommodate a larger guest list. If it comes to this, go for the latter. Neither of you should be devastated you can’t invite a friend, all so there can be lobster at the wedding.
Carve out no-wedding-talk time
Set aside times when you will not talk about the wedding. Just talk about your lives. If you don’t do this, then you will always talk about the wedding and you’ll swear by the time it arrives you haven’t really connected in nearly a year.
And schedule wedding-planning time
You should also, however, schedule wedding-planning time. Don’t just spring a four-hour task on your partner, who thought he was about to have a relaxing Saturday.
Hire a planner if you can
It will seriously save your relationship to have someone helping you out—a neutral party, that isn’t your mom or sibling. Even if you think planners are expensive, remember that brand-new planners might do it for super cheap just to build their portfolios.
Applaud each other for doing your work
When your partner does check something off on his to-do list, applaud him. Thank him. Hug him. Create an environment in which you’re praised for helping out rather than reprimanded for falling behind.
Don’t push each other on the budget
Once you set a budget, stick to it. (Also, set it a little higher than you expect, so it doesn’t shock you when you do go over a bit). Don’t pressure each other to go beyond budget, because these are just some of the financial fights that can ruin a couple.
Remember this is about your love
At the end of the day, this whole thing was about celebrating your love. So, if you find that it’s getting in the way of you feeling that love, step back. Take a break. Ask yourselves if having this or that element your way is worth fighting so much.