Dating A New Boo? Don’t Miss These Red Flags

April 9, 2019  |  

Young mixed race couple at home

Source: VioletaStoimenova / Getty

The rush of a new connection can have you suddenly speeding past red flags in the name of love–and the naivety is understandable. Between the surge of chemicals (hello, oxytocin!) and the butterflies in your gut, you might not have had time to slow down and analyze, “is their behavior shady or nah?”

Brynna Pawlows, LMSW and psychotherapist spoke to Refinery 29 about some signs you just can’t ignore.

Watch Out For Overly-Demanding Folks

There is a thin line between asking and demanding–but the nuances can be the difference between a friendly suggestion and abuse. Pawlows told R29 that demanding “can be as subtle as telling, rather than asking, a partner to do something (i.e. send a picture, respond to a text, stop wearing something).”

Guilt Trips

Things happen all the time that we may feel sorry for, but if your partner makes you feel excessively guilty for things that are out of your control, be aware.

“Guilt-tripping can look like being made to feel bad for having to cancel plans for a legitimate reason (‘You know I was really looking forward to that dinner and now I have nothing to do. You should have planned for this disruption’),” Pawlows told R29.

They Don’t Support Your Interests

You may not have the same hobbies as your beau, but they shouldn’t criticize you for what you love, even if it’s not their cup of tea.

“A partner doesn’t have to love everything that you do, but they should respect it,” Pawlows explained.

“If you are constantly feeling that someone is yucking your yum, it could indicate deeper issues in the future. If you love musicals, your partner doesn’t have to come to a Broadway show with you. They also shouldn’t go on and on about how they are stupid or restrict you engaging in your already-existing interests.”

Different Life Goals

While it’s okay to have differences, you and your mate should have a shared vision for the future.

“If a partner is firm about a big life decision (not wanting marriage, not wanting babies, etc.) and you want something different, no amount of love will change a made-up mind,” Pawlows explains.

“And if one partner does succumb to the other’s wishes, resentment tends to build.”

You Want To Change Them

Would you love your partner if they were who they were forever? If you feel things would be better if your partner changed careers or lost weight or didn’t have this personality trait, it’s best to just move on.


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