When You Have Different Views On Money

February 13, 2019  |  
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finances relationship problems

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Having drastically different perspectives on money just can’t work out. I tried it, and it never lasts. My last partner had a much more fast and loose mindset about money than I do. I remember one day, being totally dumbfounded, when he leased a $450 a month vehicle, but had just told me he had so much student loan debt (on which he was late) that the lender had started garnishing his wages. Why would he lease such a pricey car, when there were perfectly good ones for half the cost, when he was already in the hole? “The car is part of my image, babe” is what he said, and, “Plus, one day I’ll make so much I’ll pay off all that debt in one swoop.” I couldn’t decide if I was impressed or disgusted or just in the dark about some grand plan he had. Ultimately, the way he treated money really put me off. Here is how different perspectives on money hurt your relationships.

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He wants to RSVP yes

If your partner is more lavish about money, he wants to RSVP yes to every wedding, birthday booze cruise, friends’ getaway in Vegas…you name it. He’d never pass up on an opportunity to party with everyone.

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You seem anti-social

If you’re the most financially responsible one, you know you need to pick and choose what you attend. You can’t say yes to every wedding. You have to really look at your income and your savings goals, decide how much you can spend on travel/entertainment for the year, and stick to that. So, your man just thinks you’re anti-social.

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He lives as if a big break is coming

He lives his life with the belief that a big break is coming. He feels completely confident that he’s going to make a ton of money one day and so, he’s totally safe to accrue credit card debt right now.

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You live with a “just in case” mindset

You certainly hope to make a lot of money one day and you are taking steps to make that happen. But, you don’t like the idea of borrowing money from tomorrow. You make financial decisions as if your current financial reality will always be your reality.

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He wants to rent what you can afford

When it comes time to live together, he wants to rent a place that’s at the top of the budget (if not a bit more expensive). You’ve both put aside 30 percent of your income for rent, and he’s found a place that’s…33 percent.

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You want to rent, with increases in mind

You want to rent with the expectation that A) rent will increase each year B) either of you could take a financial loss at any point, and you want savings for that—you can save money by renting a place beneath your budget. Cohabitation fights happen, but you should be on the same page about cost.

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He puts up a façade

Your partner wants people to believe that you, as a couple, are wealthier than you are. He never wants anyone to suspect that you in any way have to stick to a budget. It’s a pride thing.

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You like financial transparency

You want financial transparency. You wouldn’t want friends who would only hang with you if they believed you’re wealthy. Meanwhile, your partner gets angry when you are honest with outsiders about your finances.

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You think he’s cocky with his salary

Your partner asks for $100,000 a year for a position that typically pays $60,000 to $70,000. He says he’s worth it and won’t settle for less than $100,000. You think he’s being cocky, and it could cost him a job.

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He says you don’t value yourself enough

Meanwhile, your partner criticizes you for not being ambitious or not valuing yourself, all because you do accept perfectly good but not exactly luxurious salaries.

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He calls these things an “investment”

Your partner sees an expensive car, a membership to an exclusive club, and things like that as investments. He says it instills confidence in potential business partners, attracts the right circles etc.

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You call them a waste of money

You see luxury items as total wastes of money. You think your personality and skills should speak for themselves and don’t want to attract people who are attracted to nice cars.

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He books things without consulting you

Your partner jumps the gun and books things—like plane tickets or concert tickets—without consulting you. Then, you’re expected to pay him back for half of that and it’s way too expensive.

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You could’ve gotten a better price

You get very mad when your partner books things quickly. You know he could have gotten a better deal. He didn’t even look at bargain sites or ask for your help.

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He sneaks around

Ultimately, you get into a position by which your partner has to sneak around…financially. He has to hide credit card statements and lie about where he went to eat with friends.

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You’re always worried

You spend a lot of time worried about what bad financial decisions your partner is making, and then you resent him for making you worry.

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