When Your Man Has No Chemistry With Your Friends

January 4, 2019  |  
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boyfriend and friends don't get along

Source: Thomas Barwick / Getty

Does your boyfriend lack chemistry with your friends? Maybe you don’t even realize it, per say, but you don’t feel very satisfied when you all hang out together. I’ll admit that I have a friend or two whose significant others just aren’t people with whom I click. I try—I really do. I have an adaptable personality. I’m good at reading the room. I’ve been told that I’m disarming and have a way of putting people at ease. I make sure to ask people plenty of questions about themselves and not dominate conversations. I make people laugh. And even still, there are a few men who’ve paired up with my good friends who I just don’t…get. And they don’t seem to get me. Actually, they don’t seem to get our whole group of friends nor does anyone else in the group understand them. Here’s what it’s like when your boyfriend lacks chemistry with your friends.


Double dates are hard to come by

It seems like double dates are impossible to plan. Your friends and their significant others never seem to be free at the same time. You’ll pitch dozens of dates, and somehow the soonest everyone could get together in pairs is half a year from now. So, naturally, you just wind up electing to have girls’ night so you can at least see your friends sooner.


You don’t host girls’ night

Speaking of girls’ night, you never host it anymore. You offer, but everyone has plenty of reasons as to why their place would be better. (Could it be that they just don’t want to be around your partner?)


Major holidays are tricky

You struggle to find something to do around major holidays, like the fourth of July. You try to get things going—like inviting people to your apartment building’s pool or to the beach. Nobody will give you clear answers. At best, they’ll invite you to some massive party they’re already attending. It could be because they don’t want to spend their precious holiday with someone (your partner) they don’t have that much fun with.


You do a lot of translating

You’d swear your partner and your friends spoke different languages because you do a lot of translating. None of them ever realize when the other one is joking. You have to explain what your partner meant, to your friends, and visa versa.


You have to rescue conversations

You find yourself rescuing a lot of conversations. They’re just going nowhere. Or, someone is accidentally insulting somebody.


You leave them alone and it’s quiet

If you leave your partner and your friend alone in a room while you do something in another room, it gets quiet—fast. They attempt to make conversation but it just dies so quickly.


Your friend’s SOs are MIA

Your friend’s significant others are mysteriously missing. Your friends come to your birthday, or even your partner’s birthday, but their partners don’t tag along. That’s probably because their partners have decided not to make an effort with your man—if your friends don’t like him, then their men aren’t going to even try.


The compliments are missing

If you think about it, your friends never compliment your partner. With past boyfriends, they’d say things like “He’s so hilarious” or “He’s so sweet!” Nobody’s said a word about this one.


You vacation less with friends

Nobody will ever go on vacations with you and your man. If you invite another couple, they nose around to see if anyone is going. They don’t want it to be just the four of you on vacation. They want buffers between them and your man.


You explain a lot after group hangs

You find yourself doing a lot of explaining and apologizing after bringing everyone together. Someone always took something your partner said the wrong way, or visa versa.


You feel guilty after bringing him out

You feel guilty about bringing your partner out. You feel like you set him up to fail. You feel like you made him waste a night. It wasn’t a terrible night, but it clearly wasn’t a remarkable one, either.


You prep him

You find yourself preparing your partner for spending time with your friends. You just mention things about their personalities, and that it could be good if he asked them about this or told them that story. You don’t trust him enough to just…send him off on his own to talk to them.


Conversations sound like job interviews

When you listen to conversations between your partner and your friends, they sound more like job interviews than chats between buddies. The questions are stiff and surface-level.


Nobody ever laughs very hard

When you all get together, nobody ever laughs hard—like really, really hard. It’s amazing if there are some chuckles. But you know when a group laughs hard together and that’s not the case here.


Your friends lightly interrogate you

Your friends ask you leading questions like, “So…what do you like about this guy?” They aren’t implying there is nothing to like, but they also never asked you this question about past partners. It was obvious what you liked about past partners, so they didn’t need to ask.

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