Selfish Relationship Behavior To Quit In The New Year

December 28, 2018  |  
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new year's resolutions 2019

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Maybe it’s just human nature to slowly devolve into taking for granted the things that we have. We certainly don’t get into relationships by being lazy and selfish. Oh no—in the beginning, we are the image of generosity, patience, compromise, humility, and flexibility. How else would we have roped our partners into committing to us? But, most of us are guilty of treating our partners the same way we used to treat toys as kids: when they were brand new, they were our favorites and got all our attention, but once the novelty wore off, we shoved them aside, stepped on them, and disregarded their wellbeing. Alright, maybe you aren’t that rough on your partner, but if you look back to the start of the relationship, you can probably admit that your efforts have waned. Here are selfish relationship habits you should resolve to quit in the New Year.

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Spending money on everyone else

You spend money on things you want, on girls’ nights out, on vacations with your friends, and have nothing left for when your partner wants to do something special with you. If you’re lucky enough to have disposable income, set some aside for trips, dinners, concerts, and other special occasions with your boo.

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Only going if it’s “your thing”

When your partner invites you to an event that’s of interest to him, if it isn’t of interest to you, you don’t go. You say, “That’s not really my thing.” But, it should be about spending time together—not just doing things that are “Your thing.” And you should want to familiarize yourself with things that interest your partner, remember?

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Having a bad attitude at “his thing”

Maybe you do tag along to the thing that is “not your thing,” but you have a bad attitude at it. You seem set on proving that it really wasn’t your thing and making your partner feel bad for bringing you. Cut that out. Go to his thing and be a good sport about it.

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Sitting out his friends’ events

You’ve stopped going to his friends’ birthday parties or baby showers because they aren’t your friends. I understand that social calendars get busy and that some events must be sacrificed, but you can’t just give up on being a presence in your partners’ friends’ lives.

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Holding off on the RSVP

Your partner wants to make a plan for you on a given night. He needs an answer ASAP, to reserve tickets or make a reservation. You put off giving him an answer, while you wait to see if something more enticing comes along for that evening. That’s unfair and immature. Don’t be too cool for your partner’s invitation.

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Being lazy in bed

You’ve learned that you can pretty much lie there and he’ll do everything. But, do you think that’s fun for him? Don’t take advantage of the fact that he’s a horny dude who will do everything if he has to—consider his pleasure and enjoyment.

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Minimum catch-up effort

You put in the very minimum effort when it comes to asking about his day and listening to him talk about it. You just say generic things like, “Interesting” and “That’s nice” but you don’t ask engaging questions or take the conversation further. This is how a bond dies. Work on being a quality listener.

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Everything revolves around your schedule

You two can either do date night Friday night or Saturday night, but Friday day you have lots of stuff going on, so you’d rather do it Saturday night when you’ll have energy. Your partner has the opposite predicament—lots going on Saturday day, but relaxed Friday day. You always win. It’s date night Saturday night, when your partner is exhausted.

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Considering his needs an inconvenience

If your partner needs to talk about his bad day, or even needs to give you some feedback on the type of partner you’ve been, you call him inconsiderate for bringing this up after you’ve had a bad day at work. You make him feel that his needs and wants are an inconvenience.

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If he makes an amendment, he’s being difficult

When you two make plans together, it’s really more that you make a plan—detailed and elaborate—and he is supposed to go with it. If he has even one suggestion to make, like pushing dinner back by 30 minutes or going to this park rather than that one, you shut down and tell him, “Forget it. You’re being difficult.”

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Treating the home as just your domain

If he has boys’ night when you’re trying to sleep, you get mad at him for being inconsiderate. If you have girls’ night and he complains he’s trying to sleep, you get mad at him for not respecting your need for a girls’ night. It seems like you can flop house rules whenever you want to benefit yourself.

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Calling him sensitive

When your partner is being overly sensitive, you never apologize. You never back down. You won’t say you’re sorry, even it would mean helping your partner feel better. You’re most concerned with saving your own face and being right.

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Giving inconsiderate advice

When your partner asks for advice—on something, say, career-related—you bull doze him. You instruct him on the ways you’d do it and essentially say that’s how it should be done. If he only takes some of your advice, you get angry with him. What’s that about? It’s about you caring more about your ego than what’s best for him.

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Dragging him along

There’s an event that you know would give your partner tremendous anxiety, but you force him to go with you anyways. Maybe he gets panic attacks in crowds, and you make him take you to a very crowded concert.

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Making decisions without consulting him

You buy major items for the house, tell your family you and your partner will visit them for Christmas, and make other big decisions that involve your partner without consulting him first.

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