As we grow into our adulthood, we are taught that seeking validation outside of ourselves is a dangerous recipe for disappointment. As “evolved” adults, we are supposed to love ourselves fully without needing anyone else’s approval. While the concept is wonderful in theory, in practice it can be hard to always be the only one rooting for yourself. There needs to be some sort of balance between inner work and outer praise, especially in relationships.
Matchmaking expert, Ariadna Peretz, founder of the Maitre D’ate agency, says that validation is a vital part of relationship building.
“We yearn to be seen and heard,” Peretz told South China Morning Post.
“When someone notices something about us that others rarely notice, we feel a real affinity for that person because we think that person can truly understand who we are. It means that they ‘get’ us, and validation is the same.”
Peretz explains that this sense of being “seen” extends into our relationships.
“When our significant other accepts our feelings and/or thoughts, we feel validated, accepted and understood. It emboldens us and makes us feel like we’re not alone in the world. This connection is very important for a relationship to thrive. In a relationship, you depend on each other to build yourselves up, and validation helps create that bond.”
Of course, with seeking validation from your partner, you don’t want to go to the other extreme of expecting so much approval that you don’t leave space for disagreements.
“If you demand that your partner agree with and/or appreciate your thoughts, you’re basically telling them to lie or to change their mind. Neither is conducive to a relationship.”
Taking the time to let your partner know they are loved, seen, and heard can definitely be a game changer in relational health.