What To Expect When Going Sober With Your Partner

October 18, 2018  |  
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sober october

Gettyimages.com/Young beautiful couple sharing coffee and talking on a rooftop terrace.

Thinking of going sober with your partner? Even if just for a month? Having a buddy in the sobriety game—particularly your romantic partner—can help make the transition easier. Or, it can…not. You will learn that you and your partner have a pretty strong influence on each other. You’ll also realize just what a big role alcohol played in many areas of your relationship and lives. It’s very honorable to join your partner in an attempt to quit drinking entirely, or for a little while. Going cold turkey for a month can help you realize you don’t want to drink that much in the future, and can help you develop a life-long healthy relationship with the stuff. Here’s what to expect when you quit drinking with your partner.


You may be irritable at first

Alcohol used to be your go-to for a little relaxing and unwinding at the end of the day. You’d both sip a drink, and immediately feel the nerves wear off. It made you tranquil. Now that you don’t have that, you may be a bit irritable with each other until you find new ways to unwind.


His friends think it’s your idea

His friends will think this was all your idea and that you’re forcing your partner to do it. Typical—it must be the woman driving all of the healthy habits in the household, huh? Well, I guess that’s actually flattering.


You may find you’re enablers

You might find that you enable each other. If one person starts to justify why one little drink won’t hurt or why a low-alcohol beer doesn’t count, the other eggs him on and agrees.


You may make a great team

You may, however, find the happy surprise that you make a good team. When one person wavers, the other finds strength for both of them, and puts them back on the right path. That’s what you need in a sobriety partner.


It fueled your sex life

You may discover that alcohol was kind of the driving force behind your sex life. It’s not that you don’t want to have sex without it but, it loosened you up and drove up your libido. You may have learned to rely on it…


Your show may not be as good

That show you watch together—yeah, it’s not as good as you thought. You just thought it was phenomenal because you were both half a bottle of wine deep when you watched it. Going sober may ruin your binge show forever.


No more date night DD debates

You’ll no longer have to flip a coin or argue over who will be the designated driver on date night. You’re both the designated driver.


You can do more on date night

Because you aren’t drinking on date night that means you’re saving money by not buying alcohol or Uber rides. So you can use that money to do more on date night. You no longer need to choose between the movie or dinner.


You can save for other things

You start to see how not drinking really brings in those savings. You aren’t adding bottles of wine to your grocery shopping cart or meeting for happy hour on a Friday. You can put that money aside for something else you’d like to do as a couple, like go on a trip.


You learn some friends are drinking friends

You begin to realize that some friends were just drinking friends. When you go out with them sober, well, you don’t really like them.


Less pointless fights

You know those pointless fights you used to get in, that were sparked by basically nothing, and would make you wake up feeling silly the next day? You’ll have fewer of those. That was the alcohol talking.


Friends say you think you’re better than them

Your couple friends will say that you think you’re better than they are. They’ll whisper behind you’re back that you’re super health nuts now and too good for the boozy brunch crew.


Splitting double date checks changes

Splitting the check on double dates becomes a bit more complicated. You used to just split it down the middle because you all partook in the pitchers of sangria, and the too many appetizers you ordered once you were drunk. But now, you and your partner just enjoyed your seafood entrees and splitting the bill with the indulgent couple wouldn’t make sense.


A lot of group outings don’t make sense

The whole crew is going to get bottomless mimosas at that place where the mimosas are only bottomless if you buy a burger. The burgers are $20 there. You and your boo aren’t even getting the mimosas and you don’t like the burgers there. The whole outing makes no sense for you.


If one slips up, the other goes along

If one person slips up, it’s very easy for the other to go along. This was supposed to be a couples’ thing, after all. And if one person slips up and the other doesn’t, the sober one feels betrayed.

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