A House Is Not A Home While Living With An Ex

October 8, 2018  |  

MARRIED TO MEDICINE — ‘Husbands Cooking Dinner Finale’ Episode 110 — Pictured: (l-r) Quad Webb-Lunceford, Dr. Gregory Lunceford — (Photo by: Wilford Harewood/Bravo/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images)

Serious marital strife has been an invisible character on Married to Medicine for the last couple of seasons, but Quad Webb-Lunceford has had a tougher transition from I Do to I Don’t than some of the other wives. That could be because she hasn’t gotten any space from her estranged husband, Dr. Greg Lunceford.

A home is supposed to be a space filled with love, where you can find some peace and recharge. All of those good feelings about home fade away when you’re living with someone you can’t stand. All of the things that home is supposed to be no longer exist for you while you are sharing it with someone who has hurt you. Living with your ex while your relationship dies is a strange and constant mix of heartbreak, stress, isolation, and imprisonment. It can change how you interact with the rest of the world. It puts you in a type of solitary confinement that you carry with you everywhere. Just ask Quad.

Quad and Greg live in a beautiful house that is going to waste. It’s the world’s prettiest prison cell. They can’t enjoy it anymore; it’s just not possible for them to comfortably cohabitate given the state of their relationship at present. They hardly speak to one another, but that might be the best course of action for them because the potential for conflict is literally around every corner in their house. Resentment has moved in with them, rearranged some furniture, and taken up all of the available space. Now, Quad is doing everything she can to avoid private time with Dr. G. That’s hard to do when you’re living with your ex. Resentment, aside from being the worst house guest, makes you acutely aware of the other person’s presence in proximity to you at all times. You practically live in a state of high alert, which can make someone very weary.

Perhaps that’s why Quad’s been so on edge among her castmates on the show. Although two of her co-stars are working through similar marital troubles, their situations are very different. Dr. Jackie kicked Curtis out of their house when she found out he was cheating on her. Dr. Simone had a whole separate house set up, where she retreated when her marriage to Cecil hit a rough patch. Quad hasn’t been able to do that. She has to get up every day in the house she shares with a man that does not respect her or their marriage. Although Greg has called her out for moving out of their bedroom years ago, it’s nearly impossible to snuggle up with someone that doesn’t think much of you. That’s probably something that Quad picked up on right around the time she stopped sleeping with him. Keep in mind she’s going through all of this while trying to maintain a certain image in the public eye and starring on a daytime talk show where she could easily be the subject of hot topics on any given day. I can see why she’s cracking under the pressure.

Quad’s situation might be unique on Married to Medicine, but it’s pretty common among most people who have split from a live-in partner. Many of those couples simply don’t have the option (or the resources) to just pack up and move away from each other.

Watching Quad and Dr. G, gives me flashbacks of a time when I too was also living with an ex. Our relationship broke down much quicker than it did for Quad and Dr. G because we were never married. There weren’t any vows binding us together (thank God!), but it was tough to get away from each other just by virtue of the fact that our on-again/off-again relationship spanned years and several moves. When we were on, having him there was really cozy and fun. When we were off, the space we were sharing at that moment felt cold and way too crowded.

I would resent having to come home and see his stuff in my place. It was uncomfortable to come home at the end of a long, stressful day at work only to be met at the door with the reminder that I wouldn’t actually get any alone time to decompress. I had to deal with someone I didn’t like very much at the moment who didn’t respect me or the relationship. The simple solution might have been to kick him out, but I hadn’t yet developed enough self esteem to do that at that point. That lack of confidence in myself at home only made it harder to deal with conflict at work. With no real space to just be at peace, I too almost cracked under the pressure.

For women in Quad’s position, it is vital to find a safe space for yourself until you are able to find a home of your own. It doesn’t matter if you can only get there for a few moments every so often as long as you have a space where you can just be on your own in a setting that is relaxing for you. It’s even more important to surround yourself with people who love you so that you don’t forget that there are people who do value you for no other reason than that they care about you.

Quad’s gotten a lot of flack for being withdrawn this season, but hopefully she can find a safe space among her Bravo co-stars as she wrestles with a contentious home life.

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