Who Should And Shouldn’t Visit When The Baby Comes

August 10, 2018  |  
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Gettyimages.com/A beautiful young African American mother gently holds her infant girl to her chest. The baby has her hand by her mouth and her eyes are wide open. Dad has his arm around mom and is looking at her affectionately.

When you welcome a new little bundle of joy into the world, everybody wants to visit. Everyone is eager to hold and snuggle that little cooing cutie. And while you’re very proud of this new life that you carried in your body for nine months and birthed from your loins through 10 to 36 hours of intensive labor, the weeks after giving birth are also a very sensitive time and you don’t have to (nor should you) let just about anyone come over. Your body will be absolutely drained from labor, and from barely sleeping because your baby needs to constantly nurse. Your emotions will be a nightmare because your entire identity just changed. Your life will feel in disarray because you have to drop everything to make room for this massive change in your life. Some friends and family help that transition, and some make it worse. Here is who should and shouldn’t visit right after you’ve given birth.


No: The panicker

You know the family member—the one who goes from zero to sixty the moment they notice one little thing that could go potentially wrong. Their brain goes to the worst-case scenario rapidly. They mean well, but they have no filter and can’t temper their concerns. You don’t need that around right now.


Yes: Delegater

If there is a friend or family member who is good at delegating tasks, have them over. Definitely. You’re too exhausted to tell the many well-meaning individuals, standing around asking what to do, what exactly they can do. You’re disoriented. Let someone else be the project manager.


No: The overbearing one

This friend or family member has the best intentions but, she ends up making you feel suffocated. She takes on tasks you didn’t ask her to take on—without your permission, really—and does them in her way, without regard for how you’d feel about that. She causes more problems than good.


Yes: The chill one

You know that friend who somehow always believes things will work out and always says everything will be okay? You’ve never quite understood how she maintained that attitude but, she’d be a great asset at this time.


No: The bossy family member

You don’t need any intense or domineering personalities around at this time. You need people who are willing to work together, collaborate, and—more than anything—prioritize creating a peaceful environment.


Yes: Your friend with a sense of humor

You’ll need a good laugh more than anything when everything just feels like too much. So have your friend who always makes you laugh come for a visit.


No: Coworkers

You just don’t need the stress of the reminder of work right now. You don’t want to start thinking about falling behind on work. Having a coworker—even one you like—around right now will cause that stress.


Yes: Your experienced mom friend

Definitely have your friend who already has several children stop by. It’ll be nice to see that, “I’ve got this” attitude she has when she has three little ones hanging onto her hip. If she can feel that way, then someday you will, too.


No: Your pregnant friend

It can be too much for your pregnant friend right now—seeing what’s to come for her. And you don’t have the emotional strength to ease the terror in her eyes.


Yes: The grandparents

You’ll love having the child’s respective grandparents visit. This baby is their blood so, they’ll be nearly (if not more) in love with her as you are. And, they have great tips—they’ve been there themselves.


No: The grandparents all at once

Have the grandparents visit, one set at a time. Don’t have them visit all at once because they’ll all have various opinions on how to take care of the baby and it will just cause tension.


Yes: Your doula

If you had a labor coach or doula, have her visit now. She was such a calming presence for you all along and she will have post-labor tips.


No: The aspiring nurse/doctor/doula

That friend or family member who is in medical school or training to be a doula will take the opportunity to show off her limited knowledge and try to be helpful when she’s just being annoying.


Yes: Your partner

Oops…did we wait a little long on the list to include this? Duh! Your partner should be around you! It’s important for him to bond with baby right away and to help manage all the other personalities who visit you—he knows how you feel about each and every one.


No: Your partner’s weird friend

Your partner’s goofy friend who has a good heart but always breaks something or says something inappropriate should not visit right now. No matter how much your partner wants to show off his baby.

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