Why You Day Drink Less As You Get Older

July 26, 2018  |  
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Gettyimages.com/Women toasting with cocktails in living room

Have you noticed that, the older you get, the less you want to drink during the day? Bottomless mimosas used to sound like the best idea, and now they sound like the worst idea—and an idea that gives you anxiety just thinking about it. You drive by boozy brunch spots, with people sitting outside under umbrellas, donning big sunglasses, and holding their lap dogs. They look like they’re having a great time, but you won’t answer the siren’s call. You know that you won’t feel the way those folks look when it’s time to drop credit cards and head home. I used to paint the town red with bloody marys (and a little bit of literal blood because, well, I got clumsy when I day drank) but now, I just can’t participate. Here is why you day drink less as you get older.

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You can’t nap as easily

The only way you can feel okay again is if you get in a solid nap to work off that day buzz. But you don’t nap easily because you don’t sleep as well because you’re older! You just lie there, stressing about the fact that you’d better fall asleep or else you’ll feel like hell later. And there’s nothing like anxiety to lull you to sleep…not!

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You get depressed

You get the post-drunk blues now. You just wind up thinking about all the things you need to do that week and how your life isn’t where you thought it would be at this point and how your relationship could use some improvements. Your day drunk thoughts are too deep.

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You don’t want to order pizza

You know that if you day drink, you’ll just wind up ordering a large pizza and eating it—all by yourself—alone in bed. Then you’ll feel disgusting. You don’t want to go down that path.

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You leave your place in shambles

You just don’t have the tolerance for the mess that comes with day drinking. You have the eight outfits you tried on before brunch, all over the floor, and the dirty dishes from the drunken pizza, and the mess from yesterday you told yourself you’d clean today.

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Champagne gives you migraines

Champagne gives you migraines. Spicy bloody mary mix gives you indigestion. White wine makes you sleepy. I mean really, most day drinking beverages just don’t agree with your system anymore.

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Everybody has obligations

You can’t just go home and sleep it off. You have to pick up something from the drycleaners. You said you’d give your neighbor a ride to the airport. You need to get some bills on autopay tonight. You never just get to turn your brain off, and you don’t want to complete tasks buzzed.

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You need your car in the morning

You always need your car. Your life is just that busy. You don’t have time to take an Uber back to your car tomorrow. Your days just aren’t as open as they used to be, when you wouldn’t need your car until 4pm.

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Sobering up, awake, sucks

Sobering up, while you’re awake, is the worst. It feels like hell on earth. That’s why drinking at night is the best—you’re asleep during the sobering up process.

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You need a totally open night

You might day drink if you ever have a totally open night—I mean totally open. You can’t have so much as a phone call with an old friend scheduled. You need someone else to walk your dog. You just can’t function, buzzed, the way you used to.

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None of your friends are

Maybe you could get into it if the group had momentum—if everyone was chanting, “Mimosas! Mimosas! Mimosas!” but it’s just excuse after excuse. One person has dinner with the in-laws that night and the other has a work skype conference. The momentum dies fast.

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You can run into colleagues

There’s too high of a risk of running into someone—someone in front of whom you’re supposed to look like you have your life together. You know too many people in this town now. You’re bond to run into your boyfriend’s mother or your boss.

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Impulse shopping

You know you wind up impulse shopping. That was fine when you were young and satisfied to go into thrift stores. But now, impulse-shopping means buying a $400 purse. It’s dangerous.

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Brunch talk is getting serious

Brunch talk is getting serious because life is getting serious. People are talking about going over the estates of deceased relatives and handling their child’s bully. It’s too easy to get depressed drinking and listening to this.

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Your friends have babies

There are actual children at lunch. It just feels wrong to get totally tanked when one friend is actively nursing a baby and another is trying to keep two toddlers in check.

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It’s either day, or night

You can basically either day or night drink now, but you can’t survive both. In your younger years, you’d just start drinking at noon and go on until midnight. But now you have to choose your drinking time, and you prefer nighttime.

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