Obnoxious Questions Single Moms Still Get
I have a few single mom friends and, it just amazes me how often strangers think they can be up in their business. Maybe people feel sympathetic for single moms, and believe that their curiosity comes off as caring but, it really can just come off as nosy and even judgmental. I mean, aren’t we at a place yet when it doesn’t have to be such a big deal to see a mom raising a child on her own? Aren’t we over the whole nuclear family thing? It’s still nice if it works for you but, haven’t we given up on the idea that it has to be that way? It’s not like nuclear families are always flawless, anyways. Honestly—I think that if my parents had divorced much earlier (they were unhappy for, like, a decade) it would have actually been good for my sister and me. No formula is perfect, but there is one that society seems to have a lot to say about. Here are annoying comments single moms somehow still get.
Did he leave you?
Why do people presume that a single mom is a single mom because, at one point, there was a daddy on board for the ride who just decided to hop off? Maybe she never wanted the dad in the picture in the first place. Or, maybe he is around somewhere, and she maintains some communication for the sake of the child.
Was it an accident?
Wow. That’s a bit intrusive. And also insulting considering that the child is here now and the mom is clearly in love with her child. What does it matter if the pregnancy were on purpose or on accident then? A lot of married couples get pregnant on accident, but nobody asks them if it was an accident.
Don’t you wish you had help?
Well, first off, sure—but doesn’t every parent wish they had more help? But furthermore, don’t assume a single mom doesn’t have help. She has friends and family. And, don’t assume that parents who are together are all that helpful to each other. Some parents in relationships feel like they’re single parents.
What do you tell the kid?
Well, that’s rather nosy. It also implies that some lie or story has to be made up to tell the child, as if the real story is offensive or wrong. Maybe the mom doesn’t see anything wrong with the real story.
Isn’t it expensive?
I don’t know why, under other circumstances, people respect other’s financial privacy, but they don’t do that with single moms. It’s really not anyone’s business how a single mom pays for her child.
Good for you, not caring what people think
Well, she really wasn’t even thinking about what people thought until you said that. She wasn’t consciously rejecting societal expectations—this wasn’t some act of rebellion. This is a child.
Does he have any male role models?
Just because a man can ejaculate doesn’t make him a good male role model, so don’t assume that it would be any better if the dad were around. And of course the child has male role models because the child lives on planet earth, where he meets men, like teachers, friend’s parents, coaches, uncles, and grandparents.
I bet dating is difficult
Dating is difficult for everybody. While having a child might eliminate some prospects, it’s not exactly like the world was just full of perfect prospects anyways. Also, why point out something touchy that the mom already knows?
Better not get pregnant again!
There folks go again, suggesting that this child was a mistake. For some reason, people can think that a single mom’s body and body-related choices are up for discussion.
Why did you decide to keep her?
Again, very insulting considering that the child does already exist. If anything, the decision to keep the child was probably an even more conscious and thought-out one than the decision made by couples who are together. Look: this mom really understood the tough road she had ahead of her.
Better find a sugar daddy
Maybe she doesn’t need a man to help her support her child. But also, it’s not nice to suggest that she’d ever date a man just for the child support.
Do you receive child support?
Speaking of child support, whether or not a single mom receives any is not really a stranger’s business. If she doesn’t, and she’s in a whole legal battle over that, she probably doesn’t feel like getting into it at this birthday brunch in the park or yoga class.
Do you ever wish for a normal family?
What is a normal family? You have married couples with kids, who are also swingers. Is that normal? You have age gap couples where the father is also a grandfather due to a previous marriage and set of children. Is that normal? There is no such thing as normal.
Sometimes I wish I were a single mom!
Some moms think this is funny to say, when they’re feeling irritated with their child’s father. But, in reality, it’s insulting to tell a single mom that you’d happily squander the help of a father.
It’s okay; you won’t be alone forever
She wasn’t thinking she would be…but nice of you to put that on her radar. Furthermore, maybe she doesn’t even think it would be that bad to never have a baby daddy around. Maybe she’s all set.