If Women Objectified Men The Way They Objectify Us

July 17, 2018  |  
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Gettyimages.com/Sexy playful African woman winking at the camera with a smile in a close up head shot isolated on white

Sometimes, I just think men don’t listen to themselves when they speak to women. They could probably benefit from having someone record them for a week, and play back the things they said to the women in their lives. Maybe it’s the way they were brought up, or what they’ve seen in the media, or what they soak up amongst their other male friends, but men seem to think that some not okay things are totally normal to say to women. Sadly, most of society doesn’t even notice when men say these things—they’re so common that these sentiments have almost become background noise or throwaway comments. But their implications and consequences are far from throwaway. I think if women said some of the things to men that they said to us—in a way that hit ‘em where it hurts—they’d realize there is nothing casual about some of their comments. Here’s what it would sound like if women objectified men the way they objectify us.

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He’s hot…for a dad

He’d be hotter if he weren’t a dad, of course. But men just let themselves go after having kids. They don’t go to the gym as much or eat as healthy. A dad can only be so hot. He’s basically damaged goods, ya know? But, for a dad, he’s hot.

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His stuff sags now that he’s had kids

Ugh. Ever since my partner had kids all of his stuff just sags. But I take one for the team and have sex with him anyways. I want to tell him to get a little nip and tuck down there—you know, just clean up the area to make it more appealing.

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He’s a stay at home dad…so he does nothing

That guy’s a stay at home dad so, in other words, he doesn’t do anything. He’s living on easy street. He probably just plays video games and does fantasy football stuff all day while his wife supports everyone. The least he could do is go to the gym I mean parenting is not that time consuming.

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I had to leave him—he never went down on me

My ex never went down on me. So selfish, right? And just lazy. Does your man go down on you? What about yours? Is he any good at it? Oh, really he does that? That sucks. Who tells them to do that! That’s the worst. I mean, a man who just can’t give good head—I can’t deal with that.

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It’s best he just find a wife

It’s okay that you’re not that successful—you’re attractive and you can just find a wife to support you. There’s always the option to be a trophy husband. And you can have your hobbies like, basketball and beer pong to keep you happy.

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I didn’t sign up for this body

I did not sign up for a guy with a dad bod. I feel like I was tricked. I mean, when I met my husband, he had six-pack abs and that sexy v thing over his you-know-what. Now his stomach is all soft and he has man boobs. It’s not fair to me.

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You’re not as dumb as most men

You’re not as dumb as most men. You’re way cooler than most guys. You’re pretty chill for a male. You’re a man I can actually tolerate. It’s a compliment!

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Wow: attractive and smart. Not common for a man

Usually, hot guys are really dumb. They just get by on their looks and never had to learn to carry a conversation. But you’re hot and fun to talk to—very rare for a dude.

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Of course you love sports

Of course you love sports. You’re a man. You’re predisposed to love sports. That’s not your unique taste or personality—you just can’t help your genetics.

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All the women in the office must hit on you

All your female coworkers must hit on you all the time. It must be so hard to get any work done. They must constantly be telling you how tight your ass is and how good you must look shirtless. Oh, by the way, did you finish that document I asked for—hon?

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You did a good job…for a man

You did a good job for a man. I mean, nobody expects you to be as good as a woman—that’s just not possible. But you were less bad than other men. Not great—but less bad for sure.

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Nobody will marry you if you do that

Don’t do that. That doesn’t make you husband material. Nobody wants to marry someone who does that. Please don’t have fun or go after your dreams. Women want men with stable, high-paying jobs that they hate. And you make all your decisions based on what would make you marriage material, right?

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You have ED? Then you’re useless

Look, if you have erectile dysfunction, you’re basically useless. You can’t make children so, your time on earth should basically be up. Ugh. Men just weren’t meant to live this long.

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Don’t act like such a basic bro

You watch sports and like beer? You’re so basic. Can’t you get your own personality? If I meet one more guy who talks about craft beer I just…I can’t.

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There’s a product for that

You don’t just have to accept your hair graying and those crow sfeet, ya know? There are products for that. And plastic surgery. You need to keep it tight because there will always be someone younger and hotter than you. And it’s just biology that women would want someone younger.

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